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Johnny Carson Quotes

We’re more effective than birth control pills Picture Quote #1

For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off Picture Quote #1

People will pay more to be entertained than educated Picture Quote #1

Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat Picture Quote #1

He’s so fat, he can be his own running mate Picture Quote #1

The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money Picture Quote #1

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The best way to thaw a frozen turkey? Blow in it’s ear Picture Quote #1

Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do Picture Quote #1

My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day Picture Quote #1

Happiness is... finding two olives in your martini when youre hungry Picture Quote #1

Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn’t grow up can be vice president Picture Quote #1

I know you’ve been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive Picture Quote #1

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Adults ask questions as a child does. When you stop wondering, you might as well put your rocker on the front porch and call it a day Picture Quote #1

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing Picture Quote #1

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won’t hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill Picture Quote #1

Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined Picture Quote #1

It’s funny, I remember doing the Johnny Carson show, and, uh, I couldn’t afford my rent Picture Quote #1

The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other Picture Quote #1

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Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often Picture Quote #1

The difference between divorce and legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money Picture Quote #1

The difference between divorce and legal separation is that legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money Picture Quote #1

Happiness is having a rare steak, a bottle of whiskey, and a dog to eat the rare steak Picture Quote #1

We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that’s gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked Picture Quote #1

I couldn’t care less what anybody says about me. I live my life, especially my personal life, strictly for myself... Whatever you do, you’re going to be criticized. I feel the one sensible thing you can do is try to live in a way that pleases you Picture Quote #1

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I am one of the lucky people in the world; I found something I always wanted to do, and I have enjoyed every single minute of it Picture Quote #1

Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard Picture Quote #1

Pie throwing is kind of a lost art, and although it may be a rather rudimentary, burlesque humor, there’s something inherently funny about taking a pie in the face, under the right conditions Picture Quote #1

Happiness is sitting down to watch some slides of your neighbor’s vacation and finding out that he spent two weeks in a nudist colony Picture Quote #1

The good news is that the president gets another chance. The bad news is that he’ll be two weeks older Picture Quote #1

I can be on the Tonight Show, but not with Johnny [Carson]. He uses my name in his monologue all the time Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

We’re more effective than birth control pills (Johnny Carson Quotes) For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off (Johnny Carson Quotes) People will pay more to be entertained than educated (Johnny Carson Quotes) Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat (Johnny Carson Quotes) He’s so fat, he can be his own running mate (Johnny Carson Quotes) The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money (Johnny Carson Quotes) The best way to thaw a frozen turkey? Blow in it’s ear (Johnny Carson Quotes) Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do (Johnny Carson Quotes) My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day (Johnny Carson Quotes) Happiness is... finding two olives in your martini when youre hungry (Johnny Carson Quotes) Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn’t grow up can be vice president (Johnny Carson Quotes) I know you’ve been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive (Johnny Carson Quotes) Adults ask questions as a child does. When you stop wondering, you might as well put your rocker on the front porch and call it a day (Johnny Carson Quotes) I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing (Johnny Carson Quotes) Happiness is your dentist telling you it won’t hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill (Johnny Carson Quotes) Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined (Johnny Carson Quotes) It’s funny, I remember doing the Johnny Carson show, and, uh, I couldn’t afford my rent (Johnny Carson Quotes) The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other (Johnny Carson Quotes) Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often (Johnny Carson Quotes) The difference between divorce and legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money (Johnny Carson Quotes) The difference between divorce and legal separation is that legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money (Johnny Carson Quotes) Happiness is having a rare steak, a bottle of whiskey, and a dog to eat the rare steak (Johnny Carson Quotes) We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that’s gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked (Johnny Carson Quotes) I couldn’t care less what anybody says about me. I live my life, especially my personal life, strictly for myself... Whatever you do, you’re going to be criticized. I feel the one sensible thing you can do is try to live in a way that pleases you (Johnny Carson Quotes) I am one of the lucky people in the world; I found something I always wanted to do, and I have enjoyed every single minute of it (Johnny Carson Quotes) Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard (Johnny Carson Quotes) Pie throwing is kind of a lost art, and although it may be a rather rudimentary, burlesque humor, there’s something inherently funny about taking a pie in the face, under the right conditions (Johnny Carson Quotes) Happiness is sitting down to watch some slides of your neighbor’s vacation and finding out that he spent two weeks in a nudist colony (Johnny Carson Quotes) The good news is that the president gets another chance. The bad news is that he’ll be two weeks older (Johnny Carson Quotes) I can be on the Tonight Show, but not with Johnny [Carson]. He uses my name in his monologue all the time (Johnny Carson Quotes)

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