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Joke Quotes

There’s no real formula for doing it, it’s either just living life and writing down a joke you think of in the middle of the day and then pieces those together later Picture Quote #1

There is nothing that’s off limits. If people think something is off limits, I make it my business to go make a joke about it; that’s my job Picture Quote #1

Tell people the truth, they laugh. The truth is so tragic they have to pretend it’s a joke Picture Quote #1

The human animal... is... neither male nor female... And if I am allowed to jest a little in passing, I have a joke that is not altogether irrelevant: nothing resembles a male cat on the windowsill more than a female cat Picture Quote #1

Any private security is a joke in a country where you’re up against your own government Picture Quote #1

It’s harder when people are playing along, because it’s just not as funny. They’re trying to be funny, and it sort of cancels out the whole joke Picture Quote #1

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It can take a few months to get a new 10 minutes. Usually it takes like 10 times of repeatedly trying different variations of a joke until I land on one I think is really good Picture Quote #1

I think its natural if you’re doing a lot of comedy to do a lot of drama, because you have to figure out the real version of the joke Picture Quote #1

I love doing theaters, cracking people up, hearing them physically roll in the aisles. But we need to get serious. These are serious times. No joke. No joke Picture Quote #1

I don’t do plays without jokes anymore. I’ve retired from those plays. I think it’s bad manners to invite people to sit in the dark for two and a half hours and not tell them the joke Picture Quote #1

Im not opposed to doing science fiction or comedy, but there has to be respect. I refuse to be the joke, the fat woman joke, in any movie. I’ve turned down roles Picture Quote #1

You do not respond to an attempt on your life with a slap on the hand. Or a joke Picture Quote #1

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In the second grade, I would just get bored and a joke would pop into my head and I would have to say it. It was almost like I had some brilliant novel in my head that I had to get down, and I would interrupt class all the time and get in trouble Picture Quote #1

Im not the voice of reason; I’m more the guy using these offensive topics as fodder to raise tension in a joke Picture Quote #1

Death meant little to me. It was the last joke in a series of bad jokes Picture Quote #1

I’m not a great joke writer, which is odd for a comic to say, but I’m not. So it’s hard for me to come up with things, because I don’t write stuff, I don’t write my act down Picture Quote #1

I think there’s a difference between making comedy and reporting comedy. When you’re a joke teller you can easily fall into the second, you can show up and just say the jokes Picture Quote #1

For a comedian to kind of catch onto something right as something’s catching on in our culture, a lot of it is luck, and you hope the joke is funny Picture Quote #1

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I typically start out almost every speech I give making some kind of joke about me being in a wheelchair Picture Quote #1

I always make the joke that I go home, to one of my homes, to go and do laundry so I can go on the road again Picture Quote #1

There can be a science to joke writing, there are certainly rules and patterns that can be followed, but I think most of the best comedy goes beyond the rules Picture Quote #1

Theres no amount of money that makes you feel better when people think of you as a joke or a hack or a failure or ugly or stupid or morally empty Picture Quote #1

Sometimes I can’t think of a better way to end my day than coming home and just strumming my ukulele for a few minutes. I mean, I joke around and tell people that it’s an entire yoga session in one strum, you know? Picture Quote #1

Wouldn’t it be a helluva joke if all this were really burnt cork and you people were being tolerant for nuthin’? Picture Quote #1

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I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they stop laughing I take the cigar out of my mouth and start my next joke Picture Quote #1

Comedy is a very personal thing, as you would know if you’ve ever told the same joke to two people and had one of them laugh their head off and the other one look at you as though you were a completely cretin Picture Quote #1

Honestly, I just want to keep people awake. Or at least give you one joke to go to bed with Picture Quote #1

I’ll say things that are serious and put them in a joke form so people can enjoy them. We laugh to keep from crying Picture Quote #1

Some people are so dry that you might soak them in a joke for a month and it would not get through their skins Picture Quote #1

This is a collaboration between a complex analyst, a dynamical system expert, and an arithmetical algebraic geometer. It sounds like a joke, a complex analyst, a dynamical system expert, and an arithmetical algebraic geometer walk into a bar Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

There’s no real formula for doing it, it’s either just living life and writing down a joke you think of in the middle of the day and then pieces those together later (Joke Quotes) There is nothing that’s off limits. If people think something is off limits, I make it my business to go make a joke about it; that’s my job (Joke Quotes) Tell people the truth, they laugh. The truth is so tragic they have to pretend it’s a joke (Joke Quotes) The human animal... is... neither male nor female... And if I am allowed to jest a little in passing, I have a joke that is not altogether irrelevant: nothing resembles a male cat on the windowsill more than a female cat (Joke Quotes) Any private security is a joke in a country where you’re up against your own government (Joke Quotes) It’s harder when people are playing along, because it’s just not as funny. They’re trying to be funny, and it sort of cancels out the whole joke (Joke Quotes) It can take a few months to get a new 10 minutes. Usually it takes like 10 times of repeatedly trying different variations of a joke until I land on one I think is really good (Joke Quotes) I think its natural if you’re doing a lot of comedy to do a lot of drama, because you have to figure out the real version of the joke (Joke Quotes) I love doing theaters, cracking people up, hearing them physically roll in the aisles. But we need to get serious. These are serious times. No joke. No joke (Joke Quotes) I don’t do plays without jokes anymore. I’ve retired from those plays. I think it’s bad manners to invite people to sit in the dark for two and a half hours and not tell them the joke (Joke Quotes) Im not opposed to doing science fiction or comedy, but there has to be respect. I refuse to be the joke, the fat woman joke, in any movie. I’ve turned down roles (Joke Quotes) You do not respond to an attempt on your life with a slap on the hand. Or a joke (Joke Quotes) In the second grade, I would just get bored and a joke would pop into my head and I would have to say it. It was almost like I had some brilliant novel in my head that I had to get down, and I would interrupt class all the time and get in trouble (Joke Quotes) Im not the voice of reason; I’m more the guy using these offensive topics as fodder to raise tension in a joke (Joke Quotes) Death meant little to me. It was the last joke in a series of bad jokes (Joke Quotes) I’m not a great joke writer, which is odd for a comic to say, but I’m not. So it’s hard for me to come up with things, because I don’t write stuff, I don’t write my act down (Joke Quotes) I think there’s a difference between making comedy and reporting comedy. When you’re a joke teller you can easily fall into the second, you can show up and just say the jokes (Joke Quotes) For a comedian to kind of catch onto something right as something’s catching on in our culture, a lot of it is luck, and you hope the joke is funny (Joke Quotes) I typically start out almost every speech I give making some kind of joke about me being in a wheelchair (Joke Quotes) I always make the joke that I go home, to one of my homes, to go and do laundry so I can go on the road again (Joke Quotes) There can be a science to joke writing, there are certainly rules and patterns that can be followed, but I think most of the best comedy goes beyond the rules (Joke Quotes) Theres no amount of money that makes you feel better when people think of you as a joke or a hack or a failure or ugly or stupid or morally empty (Joke Quotes) Sometimes I can’t think of a better way to end my day than coming home and just strumming my ukulele for a few minutes. I mean, I joke around and tell people that it’s an entire yoga session in one strum, you know? (Joke Quotes) Wouldn’t it be a helluva joke if all this were really burnt cork and you people were being tolerant for nuthin’? (Joke Quotes) I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they stop laughing I take the cigar out of my mouth and start my next joke (Joke Quotes) Comedy is a very personal thing, as you would know if you’ve ever told the same joke to two people and had one of them laugh their head off and the other one look at you as though you were a completely cretin (Joke Quotes) Honestly, I just want to keep people awake. Or at least give you one joke to go to bed with (Joke Quotes) I’ll say things that are serious and put them in a joke form so people can enjoy them. We laugh to keep from crying (Joke Quotes) Some people are so dry that you might soak them in a joke for a month and it would not get through their skins (Joke Quotes) This is a collaboration between a complex analyst, a dynamical system expert, and an arithmetical algebraic geometer. It sounds like a joke, a complex analyst, a dynamical system expert, and an arithmetical algebraic geometer walk into a bar (Joke Quotes)

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