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Joke Quotes

To be compassionate is not a joke. It’s not that simple. One has to discover a certain bigness in oneself. That bigness should be centered on oneself, not in terms of money, not in terms of power you wield, not in terms of any status that you can command in the society, but it should be centered on oneself Picture Quote #1

People come up to me on the street and make some little joke - like they’ll say, ‘Excuse me, sir, what time is it?’ And I’ll say, you know, 5:15,’ and they’ll say, ‘Hey! Made you talk!’ And that’s merely a way of saying, ‘I know your work and I like you.’ Picture Quote #1

The bad thing about being a famous comedian is that every now and then someone approaches me to tell an old joke. Don’t tell me jokes - I have that. People also say the weirdest things, sometimes sarcastic things, and even evil things. They like to provoke to get a reaction Picture Quote #1

I am so pathetic with machines in real life, it’s not a joke. I’d rather walk, or even run, than take the car out myself. I like to be driven around. Yes, I like fancy cars, and fancy bikes, too. It’s my dream to learn how to ride one myself, but for now, I am content being driven around Picture Quote #1

I think female solitude is a mental condition as well as a physical state. You can be married and a spinster. I think spinster is an identity every woman can claim, if she will... I feel like a lot of women, or a lot of feminists, joke about taking to the sea or living alone in a cottage as this kind of fun freedom Picture Quote #1

I try to be personal, but that’s not me, either. What seems to work best, and the tweets I enjoy reading the most, are when comedians just give jokes. It’s a great joke of the day thing, especially revolving around current events. But that’s not my forte either, so I find myself in no man’s land with Twitter. I don’t particularly enjoy giving me out to everyone Picture Quote #1

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Yeah, we’ve become really good friends. Our characters start dating in the book, and um, yeah, I think we - and we made up little back stories to our characters and little outtakes that we’d bring up to Edgar as a joke, and you know, kind of see different sides of stuff. So yeah, we have a really good time Picture Quote #1

Be prepared to cut your little extra lines that come after a big punchline and move on to the next joke or routine to give your set more punch and crispness. You can keep them in your set, but if the audience applauds your big line, don’t do your tag when it dies down, just move on Picture Quote #1

I worked in a paper mill all my adult life and there were a lot of funny guys there. So you pick up on that. Even though something really bad might have happened to somebody you can still make a joke out of it Picture Quote #1

We made the joke when we screened ‘Bucket List’ that there was 100% desire to see amongst our demographic with a 40% ability to get them to see it Picture Quote #1

I honestly and truly love and believe in what I’m making, and it’s not a joke, whereas some people would take a singer-songwriter sitting behind an acoustic guitar as sincere Picture Quote #1

New York was at the forefront of rap, so because of all the great people who have gone before me, being a rapper from Queens, I have to live up to those standards. I’m basically just a regular guy who says what he feels and likes to joke. I like long walks on the beach... and I love rap Picture Quote #1

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Every time there’s a cut in the action, we joke and dance around, there’s show tunes and fart noises Picture Quote #1

Once an actor told me he went to the Shakespeare School of Acting, and I said, ‘I went to the Shakespeare of Acting, too’ and he said, ‘Oh really?’ And I said, ‘I went to Shakespeare Elementary School in Chicago.’ He didn’t take the joke well, he didn’t laugh and didn’t think it was funny - I thought it was funny. It’s all the same to me Picture Quote #1

There is always something funny going on between scenes with Adam Sandler. He’s always cracking jokes and yelling at people for no reason. It’s pretty funny. He’ll joke around during scenes, too. When he guest-starred on ‘Jessie,’ there was nothing in the script that he said first take Picture Quote #1

I always thought security was a joke at New York airports, and in U.S. airports to begin with. You can go through any European or Middle Eastern airport and things are a lot tougher Picture Quote #1

The Nobel Peace Prize has always been a joke - albeit a grim one. Alfred Bernhard Nobel famously invented dynamite and felt sorry about it Picture Quote #1

In my mid-20s, I was directing episodes of ‘Alfred Hitchcock’ and ‘Peter Gunn.’ I was pretty much on course and - as I sometimes joke - was prepared to devote my life to become the second best film director in my family Picture Quote #1

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The U.S. - the idea that the U.S. has introduced and imposed principles of international law, that’s hardly even a joke. The United States has even gone so far as to veto Security Council resolutions calling on all states to observe international law. That was in the 1980s under Reagan Picture Quote #1

I’ve always been a fan at home. That’s the one joke I have with Sam [Champion]. I’ve always loved you! I remember wanting to be you in grade school! Picture Quote #1

I stumbled on a joke idea and style that worked, the audience went with it and, from that moment on, I was hooked. It’s an amazing feeling Picture Quote #1

I remember being a kid, and if you had to pee, well, you had to hold it until the commercial break. Then you rushed, and hopefully, if you’re going to the kitchen for a snack, you’ll be back before so you don’t miss a line. If your sister sneezed or was talking over a line, there was no way of knowing what that line was or what the joke was Picture Quote #1

Shaquille and I kind of joke we were the Christopher Columbus of social media. We’re kind of out on a boat by ourselves going through these uncharted waters. But it’s become more understood, embraced and accepted, and now it’s pretty much expected by fans for athletes, leagues and teams to be there Picture Quote #1

For Europeans a president having an affair, especially in France, is a joke. No one cares, it would never bring this kind of trouble to a country Picture Quote #1

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Written by the ancient Chinese philosopher of the same name, the ‘Zhuangzi’ is one long perplexing puzzle of a rambling collection of enigmatic short stories. It’s a strange feeling to laugh at a joke written by someone in the 4th century B.C Picture Quote #1

Animal experiments are no joke. Thank goodness scientists are finding better, more humane ways to develop treatments for cancer and other killer diseases Picture Quote #1

I really like the animated film process. It’s kind of like doing a play, because you can experiment with it, rewrite it, screen it, go back, then work on it a little bit more. If the joke doesn’t work, you can fix it. It’s different from a live action movie Picture Quote #1

The running joke on set [of the Westworlds] was that everyone at some point thinks that they’re Anthony Hopkins. Like, Guys, I think I’m Dr. Ford. I’m Anthony Hopkins. That’s the twist. We love all of the theories. Part of the fun of that show is figuring it out Picture Quote #1

Everybody doesn’t have to get every joke. People really appreciate not being condescended to Picture Quote #1

I always joke that my kids’ favorite holiday is Father’s Day. They love the way I celebrate the occasion by writing each of them a thank-you letter and a generous check. It’s my way of letting them know how much I appreciate the great pleasure and privilege of being their dad Picture Quote #1

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Text Quotes

To be compassionate is not a joke. It’s not that simple. One has to discover a certain bigness in oneself. That bigness should be centered on oneself, not in terms of money, not in terms of power you wield, not in terms of any status that you can command in the society, but it should be centered on oneself (Joke Quotes) People come up to me on the street and make some little joke - like they’ll say, ‘Excuse me, sir, what time is it?’ And I’ll say, you know, 5:15,’ and they’ll say, ‘Hey! Made you talk!’ And that’s merely a way of saying, ‘I know your work and I like you.’ (Joke Quotes) The bad thing about being a famous comedian is that every now and then someone approaches me to tell an old joke. Don’t tell me jokes - I have that. People also say the weirdest things, sometimes sarcastic things, and even evil things. They like to provoke to get a reaction (Joke Quotes) I am so pathetic with machines in real life, it’s not a joke. I’d rather walk, or even run, than take the car out myself. I like to be driven around. Yes, I like fancy cars, and fancy bikes, too. It’s my dream to learn how to ride one myself, but for now, I am content being driven around (Joke Quotes) I think female solitude is a mental condition as well as a physical state. You can be married and a spinster. I think spinster is an identity every woman can claim, if she will... I feel like a lot of women, or a lot of feminists, joke about taking to the sea or living alone in a cottage as this kind of fun freedom (Joke Quotes) I try to be personal, but that’s not me, either. What seems to work best, and the tweets I enjoy reading the most, are when comedians just give jokes. It’s a great joke of the day thing, especially revolving around current events. But that’s not my forte either, so I find myself in no man’s land with Twitter. I don’t particularly enjoy giving me out to everyone (Joke Quotes) Yeah, we’ve become really good friends. Our characters start dating in the book, and um, yeah, I think we - and we made up little back stories to our characters and little outtakes that we’d bring up to Edgar as a joke, and you know, kind of see different sides of stuff. So yeah, we have a really good time (Joke Quotes) Be prepared to cut your little extra lines that come after a big punchline and move on to the next joke or routine to give your set more punch and crispness. You can keep them in your set, but if the audience applauds your big line, don’t do your tag when it dies down, just move on (Joke Quotes) I worked in a paper mill all my adult life and there were a lot of funny guys there. So you pick up on that. Even though something really bad might have happened to somebody you can still make a joke out of it (Joke Quotes) We made the joke when we screened ‘Bucket List’ that there was 100% desire to see amongst our demographic with a 40% ability to get them to see it (Joke Quotes) I honestly and truly love and believe in what I’m making, and it’s not a joke, whereas some people would take a singer-songwriter sitting behind an acoustic guitar as sincere (Joke Quotes) New York was at the forefront of rap, so because of all the great people who have gone before me, being a rapper from Queens, I have to live up to those standards. I’m basically just a regular guy who says what he feels and likes to joke. I like long walks on the beach... and I love rap (Joke Quotes) Every time there’s a cut in the action, we joke and dance around, there’s show tunes and fart noises. (Joke Quotes) Once an actor told me he went to the Shakespeare School of Acting, and I said, ‘I went to the Shakespeare of Acting, too’ and he said, ‘Oh really?’ And I said, ‘I went to Shakespeare Elementary School in Chicago.’ He didn’t take the joke well, he didn’t laugh and didn’t think it was funny - I thought it was funny. It’s all the same to me. (Joke Quotes) There is always something funny going on between scenes with Adam Sandler. He’s always cracking jokes and yelling at people for no reason. It’s pretty funny. He’ll joke around during scenes, too. When he guest-starred on ‘Jessie,’ there was nothing in the script that he said first take. (Joke Quotes) I always thought security was a joke at New York airports, and in U.S. airports to begin with. You can go through any European or Middle Eastern airport and things are a lot tougher. (Joke Quotes) The Nobel Peace Prize has always been a joke - albeit a grim one. Alfred Bernhard Nobel famously invented dynamite and felt sorry about it. (Joke Quotes) In my mid-20s, I was directing episodes of ‘Alfred Hitchcock’ and ‘Peter Gunn.’ I was pretty much on course and - as I sometimes joke - was prepared to devote my life to become the second best film director in my family. (Joke Quotes) The U.S. - the idea that the U.S. has introduced and imposed principles of international law, that’s hardly even a joke. The United States has even gone so far as to veto Security Council resolutions calling on all states to observe international law. That was in the 1980s under Reagan. (Joke Quotes) I’ve always been a fan at home. That’s the one joke I have with Sam [Champion]. I’ve always loved you! I remember wanting to be you in grade school! (Joke Quotes) I stumbled on a joke idea and style that worked, the audience went with it and, from that moment on, I was hooked. It’s an amazing feeling. (Joke Quotes) I remember being a kid, and if you had to pee, well, you had to hold it until the commercial break. Then you rushed, and hopefully, if you’re going to the kitchen for a snack, you’ll be back before so you don’t miss a line. If your sister sneezed or was talking over a line, there was no way of knowing what that line was or what the joke was. (Joke Quotes) Shaquille and I kind of joke we were the Christopher Columbus of social media. We’re kind of out on a boat by ourselves going through these uncharted waters. But it’s become more understood, embraced and accepted, and now it’s pretty much expected by fans for athletes, leagues and teams to be there. (Joke Quotes) For Europeans a president having an affair, especially in France, is a joke. No one cares, it would never bring this kind of trouble to a country. (Joke Quotes) Written by the ancient Chinese philosopher of the same name, the ‘Zhuangzi’ is one long perplexing puzzle of a rambling collection of enigmatic short stories. It’s a strange feeling to laugh at a joke written by someone in the 4th century B.C. (Joke Quotes) Animal experiments are no joke. Thank goodness scientists are finding better, more humane ways to develop treatments for cancer and other killer diseases. (Joke Quotes) I really like the animated film process. It’s kind of like doing a play, because you can experiment with it, rewrite it, screen it, go back, then work on it a little bit more. If the joke doesn’t work, you can fix it. It’s different from a live action movie. (Joke Quotes) The running joke on set [of the Westworlds] was that everyone at some point thinks that they’re Anthony Hopkins. Like, Guys, I think I’m Dr. Ford. I’m Anthony Hopkins. That’s the twist. We love all of the theories. Part of the fun of that show is figuring it out. (Joke Quotes) Everybody doesn’t have to get every joke. People really appreciate not being condescended to. (Joke Quotes) I always joke that my kids’ favorite holiday is Father’s Day. They love the way I celebrate the occasion by writing each of them a thank-you letter and a generous check. It’s my way of letting them know how much I appreciate the great pleasure and privilege of being their dad. (Joke Quotes)

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