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Joke Quotes

Being funny is one of my greatest strengths. I can make girls smile when they’re down, and when they’re having a good time, I can carry on the joke Picture Quote #1

Actors fall into this trap if they missed being loved for who they really were and not for what they could do - sing, dance, joke about - then they take that as love Picture Quote #1

I love practical jokes and humor. That there’s frankly no joke that I don’t think is funny. I love practical jokes, but I don’t like being scared Picture Quote #1

Lisa Joy is so incredible, and she’s always on set making sure everyone is okay and being respectful. We have a zero-tolerance policy on that set [ in the Westworlds]. If anyone is inappropriate or makes you uncomfortable, they’re literally gone in two seconds. It’s no joke. It’s very professional Picture Quote #1

Reactionary conservatives are smiling through the racial apocalypse. To them, race baiting is a joke, as ‘humorist’ Rush Limbaugh will tell you when he’s calling Mexicans ‘stupid.’ Or it’s a matter of semantics when they claim that Sonia Sotomayor is a ‘racialist’ which, far as I can tell, is the smooth jazz version of being a racist Picture Quote #1

Being a parent is not for the faint of heart. I may joke about knowing fear, but the fact is, the first time I ever knew real fear was the day Charlotte, my first child, was born. Suddenly there is someone in the world you care about more than anything Picture Quote #1

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I’m about being funny. If I can make a joke using profanity, I will. But for the most part, that can get awfully old and boring Picture Quote #1

I’m not a big one for jokes. I can’t tell a joke, believe it or not. If you gave me a thousand bucks and said, ‘Don, get up at a party and tell a joke’, I’m the worst Picture Quote #1

I tell stories. Because I believe you can do things that joke tellers can’t do, and that is, bring your audience along Picture Quote #1

The best timed joke or the best timed phrase comes at spontaneous moments and just relies on me as the host to be very quick, and that’s what I do Picture Quote #1

I’ve never really been a big fan of comedy songs, frankly. I think I enjoy the emotional payoff that the best music achieves to want to waste too much time turning good music into a joke Picture Quote #1

What I’ve said before, only half in joke, is that everybody in Ireland is famous. Or, maybe better, say everybody is familiar Picture Quote #1

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The quality of life of European cities and towns of almost any size make life in America look not just like a joke, but a sick joke, a horror movie. But I’d rather stay involved and do what I can to make this a better place than move to the south of France and enjoy the good life Picture Quote #1

Coming up with a funny joke is like falling in love: It can hit you any time, anywhere. Having said that, the more you put yourself out there, the better your odds will be Picture Quote #1

Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee, and I’ll forgive Thy great big joke on me Picture Quote #1

The term ‘steampunk’ itself, now a badge of honor, began as a putdown, a joke. But like ‘Big Bang’ in cosmology, the diss became the standard Picture Quote #1

Paris and Nicky Hilton? Those girls will show up to the opening of a phone book. It’s like a big joke Picture Quote #1

I’m a happy guy. I like to joke around. I’m irreverent. I love my family; I love my son. I was very happy with and proud of the birth of my son. I grew up a lot after he was born. I’m just an easy and happy guy Picture Quote #1

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I joke to people in the press that I realize I’m not black, I’m actually white. But I’ve got these roots in black American music. I love it Picture Quote #1

A good joke will sell quicker than a good poem, and, measured in sweat and blood, will bring better remuneration Picture Quote #1

Over the past 50 years Bob Hope employed 88 joke writers who supplied him with more than one million gags, and he still couldn’t make me laugh Picture Quote #1

The very phrase ‘Oscar night’ used to accelerate my pulse. For one thing - dating myself - it meant Bob Hope. He always had good, strong jokes, that faultless delivery, and always a new joke about his own films’ failure - once again - to be honored Picture Quote #1

If the clockwork universe equated the human body with the mechanics of the clock, the digital universe now equates human consciousness with the processing of the computer. We joke that things don’t compute, that we need a reboot, or that our memory has been wiped Picture Quote #1

Here’s the thing, with comedy - and I learned this from Will Ferrell - you can’t be ashamed. If you’re doing comedy, you have to fully commit to the joke. Shame is not part of it. If you act shy or uncomfortable about your body, that makes the audience shy and uncomfortable. And in a comedy you just want them to loosen up and laugh Picture Quote #1

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Stereotypically speaking feminists can’t take a joke. ::audience boo:: See? Picture Quote #1

Cal, I whisper into her sleep, if you go, you know what? You’ll break my liver. I want to pretend that it’s a joke, that she will wake up and laugh with me, throwing her head back the way she did last night, bit this time the words are true . . . she will break my liver, break my heart, kill everything inside alive inside me Picture Quote #1

My only problem with women breastfeeding in public is they never wink back. It’s kind of the perfect joke because it’s a bait and switch Picture Quote #1

At university level, I had an economics lecturer who used to joke that I was the only student who handed in essays on British Airways notepaper Picture Quote #1

Catering on planes, like on British Rail, is a standing joke, but I don’t really have a problem with it. I don’t quite know what people expect Picture Quote #1

I don’t really tell a joke per se, I build up an attitude and it becomes a joke Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

Being funny is one of my greatest strengths. I can make girls smile when they’re down, and when they’re having a good time, I can carry on the joke. (Joke Quotes) Actors fall into this trap if they missed being loved for who they really were and not for what they could do - sing, dance, joke about - then they take that as love. (Joke Quotes) I love practical jokes and humor. That there’s frankly no joke that I don’t think is funny. I love practical jokes, but I don’t like being scared. (Joke Quotes) Lisa Joy is so incredible, and she’s always on set making sure everyone is okay and being respectful. We have a zero-tolerance policy on that set [ in the Westworlds]. If anyone is inappropriate or makes you uncomfortable, they’re literally gone in two seconds. It’s no joke. It’s very professional. (Joke Quotes) Reactionary conservatives are smiling through the racial apocalypse. To them, race baiting is a joke, as ‘humorist’ Rush Limbaugh will tell you when he’s calling Mexicans ‘stupid.’ Or it’s a matter of semantics when they claim that Sonia Sotomayor is a ‘racialist’ which, far as I can tell, is the smooth jazz version of being a racist. (Joke Quotes) Being a parent is not for the faint of heart. I may joke about knowing fear, but the fact is, the first time I ever knew real fear was the day Charlotte, my first child, was born. Suddenly there is someone in the world you care about more than anything. (Joke Quotes) I’m about being funny. If I can make a joke using profanity, I will. But for the most part, that can get awfully old and boring. (Joke Quotes) I’m not a big one for jokes. I can’t tell a joke, believe it or not. If you gave me a thousand bucks and said, ‘Don, get up at a party and tell a joke’, I’m the worst. (Joke Quotes) I tell stories. Because I believe you can do things that joke tellers can’t do, and that is, bring your audience along. (Joke Quotes) The best timed joke or the best timed phrase comes at spontaneous moments and just relies on me as the host to be very quick, and that’s what I do. (Joke Quotes) I’ve never really been a big fan of comedy songs, frankly. I think I enjoy the emotional payoff that the best music achieves to want to waste too much time turning good music into a joke. (Joke Quotes) What I’ve said before, only half in joke, is that everybody in Ireland is famous. Or, maybe better, say everybody is familiar. (Joke Quotes) The quality of life of European cities and towns of almost any size make life in America look not just like a joke, but a sick joke, a horror movie. But I’d rather stay involved and do what I can to make this a better place than move to the south of France and enjoy the good life. (Joke Quotes) Coming up with a funny joke is like falling in love: It can hit you any time, anywhere. Having said that, the more you put yourself out there, the better your odds will be. (Joke Quotes) Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee, and I’ll forgive Thy great big joke on me (Joke Quotes) The term ‘steampunk’ itself, now a badge of honor, began as a putdown, a joke. But like ‘Big Bang’ in cosmology, the diss became the standard. (Joke Quotes) Paris and Nicky Hilton? Those girls will show up to the opening of a phone book. It’s like a big joke. (Joke Quotes) I’m a happy guy. I like to joke around. I’m irreverent. I love my family; I love my son. I was very happy with and proud of the birth of my son. I grew up a lot after he was born. I’m just an easy and happy guy. (Joke Quotes) I joke to people in the press that I realize I’m not black, I’m actually white. But I’ve got these roots in black American music. I love it. (Joke Quotes) A good joke will sell quicker than a good poem, and, measured in sweat and blood, will bring better remuneration. (Joke Quotes) Over the past 50 years Bob Hope employed 88 joke writers who supplied him with more than one million gags, and he still couldn’t make me laugh. (Joke Quotes) The very phrase ‘Oscar night’ used to accelerate my pulse. For one thing - dating myself - it meant Bob Hope. He always had good, strong jokes, that faultless delivery, and always a new joke about his own films’ failure - once again - to be honored. (Joke Quotes) If the clockwork universe equated the human body with the mechanics of the clock, the digital universe now equates human consciousness with the processing of the computer. We joke that things don’t compute, that we need a reboot, or that our memory has been wiped. (Joke Quotes) Here’s the thing, with comedy - and I learned this from Will Ferrell - you can’t be ashamed. If you’re doing comedy, you have to fully commit to the joke. Shame is not part of it. If you act shy or uncomfortable about your body, that makes the audience shy and uncomfortable. And in a comedy you just want them to loosen up and laugh. (Joke Quotes) Stereotypically speaking feminists can’t take a joke. ::audience boo:: See? (Joke Quotes) Cal, I whisper into her sleep, if you go, you know what? You’ll break my liver. I want to pretend that it’s a joke, that she will wake up and laugh with me, throwing her head back the way she did last night, bit this time the words are true . . . she will break my liver, break my heart, kill everything inside alive inside me. (Joke Quotes) My only problem with women breastfeeding in public is they never wink back. It’s kind of the perfect joke because it’s a bait and switch. (Joke Quotes) At university level, I had an economics lecturer who used to joke that I was the only student who handed in essays on British Airways notepaper. (Joke Quotes) Catering on planes, like on British Rail, is a standing joke, but I don’t really have a problem with it. I don’t quite know what people expect. (Joke Quotes) I don’t really tell a joke per se, I build up an attitude and it becomes a joke (Joke Quotes)

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