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Joke Quotes

The surprising thing is that I was not funny in high school. I was always jealous of the funny kids because they always got the girls. I couldn’t tell a joke to save my life Picture Quote #1

What I usually do is tell funny stories from the road, many of which are, of course, unprintable. But I don’t actually have a joke. I don’t tell jokes much. I tell little stories Picture Quote #1

Funny stories on set - there are thousands of them, but they are only funny to the people who were on the movies. You start to have inside jokes and gallows humor. You have all kinds of things you laugh at, but as soon as you tell somebody, the joke falls flat because they don’t know the context of it Picture Quote #1

This is a funny story. We’d asked the guards every day for cappuccino. You know, just as a joke. And they’d come in with their cups of coffee and stuff. And so I get here and I have a spot for a cappuccino machine, and it didn’t work. So I don’t have any cappuccino ... I didn’t miss the cappuccino, I missed the idea of cappuccino Picture Quote #1

It may sound surprising, but a joke and a crime novel work in very much the same way. The comedian/writer leads their audience along the garden path. The audience know what’s coming, or at least they think they do until they get hit from a direction they were not expecting Picture Quote #1

[ The aim to be big] is not a joke about my size. It’s just that I’m a dreamer, but I’m following through with it. I believe anyone can do it as long as they focus and have a game plan Picture Quote #1

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I’m infamous, a joke. It doesn’t make me feel good, because I’m a genuine person, but I don’t let it get to me, because I am who I am Picture Quote #1

I often joke that I could write ‘War and Peace’ and make it sound like Geri Halliwell wrote it Picture Quote #1

When I was working with Barry Sonnenfeld, I’d watch him set up a shot and talk to him about what he was seeing and what it was to shoot comedy. He told me that a lot of times with comedy, it’s not just about getting the joke, but getting a reaction to the joke. That’s the laugh - it’s somebody’s else’s reaction to the joke Picture Quote #1

But men and women, getting along, it’s a joke. We have completely different brains, it’s a completely different thing Picture Quote #1

I’m a diplomat by nature. I help find the middle ground. I crack a joke and use humour to help resolve potentially vicious situations quickly. It gets things in perspective and helps everyone to see that things aren’t as bad as they seem Picture Quote #1

If your master is surly, from getting up early (And tempers are short in the morning), An inopportune joke is enough to provoke Him to give you, at once, a month’s warning Picture Quote #1

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An audience who watches my shows knows who I am, knows that right when they think I’m going to make a joke, I’m going to blow something up, or during the worst peril, I’m going to have someone give someone a kiss - it’s just going to happen Picture Quote #1

Yeah, man. It’s time to let de people get good herbs and smoke. Government’s a joke. All dey wan’ is ya smoke cigarettes and cigar. Some cigar wickeder den herb. Yeah, man, ya can’t smoke cigar. Smoke herb. Some big cigar me see man wit’, God bless! Me tell him must smoke herb Picture Quote #1

I have this famous joke that I use: Why was God able to create Heaven and Earth in seven days and seven nights? Because he didn’t have installed customers and legacy technology to worry about Picture Quote #1

There is no reason for believing that any sort of gods exist, and quite good reasons for believing that they do not exist and never have. It has all been a gigantic waste of time and a waste of life. It would be a joke of cosmic proportions if it weren’t so tragic Picture Quote #1

As for pictures and museums, that don’t trouble me. The worst of going abroad is that you’ve always got to look at things of that sort. To have to do it at home would be beyond a joke Picture Quote #1

My music started out as a complete joke, so really all I was doing was going for witty punchlines to make all of my buddies laugh Picture Quote #1

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I’m obsessed with coffee. My doctor says if I don’t cut back, I am going to permanently damage my esophagus. No joke Picture Quote #1

I’ll joke all day, but once I get in the gym, I’m going to work hard Picture Quote #1

Whenever I walk off the golf course, I thank God that I’m able to tell a joke. I thank God I’m good at something Picture Quote #1

Any comic is a very good actor. Look at Don Rickles. He is saying the same joke every night for 20 years and making it look like he just thought of it Picture Quote #1

I’m the joke of the family with cooking because I’ve never done it - primarily because I’ve been surrounded by people who are so good at it. Mum’s brilliant. Boyfriends have always been good at it. I’m waiting for my inner chef to be released Picture Quote #1

One nice thing about telling a clean joke is there’s a good chance no one’s heard it before Picture Quote #1

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I’m aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too Picture Quote #1

I don’t like jokes in speeches. I do like wit and humor. A joke is to humor what pornography is to erotic language in a good novel Picture Quote #1

No comedy should be longer than 90 minutes. There’s no such thing as a good long joke Picture Quote #1

I think it’s important to have a good sense of humor and joke around with your kids. That’s what I do a lot Picture Quote #1

I enjoy watching a woman with really bad teeth and a good sense of humor struggling to use her lips and tongue to hide her teeth when she’s laughing. I just stand there and tell her joke after joke after joke Picture Quote #1

I’m a taker in terms of jokes. I love to hear a good joke, but I don’t retain jokes. I’m not a good teller of jokes Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

The surprising thing is that I was not funny in high school. I was always jealous of the funny kids because they always got the girls. I couldn’t tell a joke to save my life. (Joke Quotes) What I usually do is tell funny stories from the road, many of which are, of course, unprintable. But I don’t actually have a joke. I don’t tell jokes much. I tell little stories. (Joke Quotes) Funny stories on set - there are thousands of them, but they are only funny to the people who were on the movies. You start to have inside jokes and gallows humor. You have all kinds of things you laugh at, but as soon as you tell somebody, the joke falls flat because they don’t know the context of it. (Joke Quotes) This is a funny story. We’d asked the guards every day for cappuccino. You know, just as a joke. And they’d come in with their cups of coffee and stuff. And so I get here and I have a spot for a cappuccino machine, and it didn’t work. So I don’t have any cappuccino ... I didn’t miss the cappuccino, I missed the idea of cappuccino. (Joke Quotes) It may sound surprising, but a joke and a crime novel work in very much the same way. The comedian/writer leads their audience along the garden path. The audience know what’s coming, or at least they think they do until they get hit from a direction they were not expecting. (Joke Quotes) [ The aim to be big] is not a joke about my size. It’s just that I’m a dreamer, but I’m following through with it. I believe anyone can do it as long as they focus and have a game plan. (Joke Quotes) I’m infamous, a joke. It doesn’t make me feel good, because I’m a genuine person, but I don’t let it get to me, because I am who I am. (Joke Quotes) I often joke that I could write ‘War and Peace’ and make it sound like Geri Halliwell wrote it. (Joke Quotes) When I was working with Barry Sonnenfeld, I’d watch him set up a shot and talk to him about what he was seeing and what it was to shoot comedy. He told me that a lot of times with comedy, it’s not just about getting the joke, but getting a reaction to the joke. That’s the laugh - it’s somebody’s else’s reaction to the joke. (Joke Quotes) But men and women, getting along, it’s a joke. We have completely different brains, it’s a completely different thing. (Joke Quotes) I’m a diplomat by nature. I help find the middle ground. I crack a joke and use humour to help resolve potentially vicious situations quickly. It gets things in perspective and helps everyone to see that things aren’t as bad as they seem. (Joke Quotes) If your master is surly, from getting up early (And tempers are short in the morning), An inopportune joke is enough to provoke Him to give you, at once, a month’s warning. (Joke Quotes) An audience who watches my shows knows who I am, knows that right when they think I’m going to make a joke, I’m going to blow something up, or during the worst peril, I’m going to have someone give someone a kiss - it’s just going to happen. (Joke Quotes) Yeah, man. It’s time to let de people get good herbs and smoke. Government’s a joke. All dey wan’ is ya smoke cigarettes and cigar. Some cigar wickeder den herb. Yeah, man, ya can’t smoke cigar. Smoke herb. Some big cigar me see man wit’, God bless! Me tell him must smoke herb. (Joke Quotes) I have this famous joke that I use: Why was God able to create Heaven and Earth in seven days and seven nights? Because he didn’t have installed customers and legacy technology to worry about. (Joke Quotes) There is no reason for believing that any sort of gods exist, and quite good reasons for believing that they do not exist and never have. It has all been a gigantic waste of time and a waste of life. It would be a joke of cosmic proportions if it weren’t so tragic. (Joke Quotes) As for pictures and museums, that don’t trouble me. The worst of going abroad is that you’ve always got to look at things of that sort. To have to do it at home would be beyond a joke. (Joke Quotes) My music started out as a complete joke, so really all I was doing was going for witty punchlines to make all of my buddies laugh. (Joke Quotes) I’m obsessed with coffee. My doctor says if I don’t cut back, I am going to permanently damage my esophagus. No joke. (Joke Quotes) I’ll joke all day, but once I get in the gym, I’m going to work hard (Joke Quotes) Whenever I walk off the golf course, I thank God that I’m able to tell a joke. I thank God I’m good at something. (Joke Quotes) Any comic is a very good actor. Look at Don Rickles. He is saying the same joke every night for 20 years and making it look like he just thought of it. (Joke Quotes) I’m the joke of the family with cooking because I’ve never done it - primarily because I’ve been surrounded by people who are so good at it. Mum’s brilliant. Boyfriends have always been good at it. I’m waiting for my inner chef to be released. (Joke Quotes) One nice thing about telling a clean joke is there’s a good chance no one’s heard it before. (Joke Quotes) I’m aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too (Joke Quotes) I don’t like jokes in speeches. I do like wit and humor. A joke is to humor what pornography is to erotic language in a good novel. (Joke Quotes) No comedy should be longer than 90 minutes. There’s no such thing as a good long joke. (Joke Quotes) I think it’s important to have a good sense of humor and joke around with your kids. That’s what I do a lot. (Joke Quotes) I enjoy watching a woman with really bad teeth and a good sense of humor struggling to use her lips and tongue to hide her teeth when she’s laughing. I just stand there and tell her joke after joke after joke. (Joke Quotes) I’m a taker in terms of jokes. I love to hear a good joke, but I don’t retain jokes. I’m not a good teller of jokes. (Joke Quotes)

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