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Jokes Quotes

I’m always looking at new ways to tell a joke so that it doesn’t get stale while working on new jokes every night or I would go absolutely crazy and would want to kill myself. I just want to go in there and talk about what’s bugging me Picture Quote #1

I was always cutting words. I even would write my jokes in my notebook. I still do this, almost like a poem Picture Quote #1

Writers tend to hate recurring characters; there’s this writer snob thing about it. But I don’t have that. I feel like the challenge is always to find a cool and innovative way to do it and, obviously, to not repeat your jokes Picture Quote #1

If I do not do sensible things about investments I shall spend my old age in a workhouse, where nobody will understand my jokes Picture Quote #1

I don’t take jokes from other people. It’s really not cool to steal jokes from anybody. It’s not cool to steal anything from anybody. Jokes are no different Picture Quote #1

It’s hard to program a computer to make jokes. The brain needs to do something here; the brain needs to come up with something bizarre to make something funny Picture Quote #1

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When somebody mangles one of my jokes, that bothers me more than somebody saying that I’m the worst comedian ever Picture Quote #1

I think I love jokes! The best jokes are equal to the best art, in my mind, and as rare Picture Quote #1

Like great art, something essential dies when great jokes are explained. So what’s the key to telling a good joke/creating great art timing Picture Quote #1

It’s like love making, the foreplay is the biggest part, the same thing as comedy. If you can frame your show in such a way that the funny jokes become funnier Picture Quote #1

I always have my setlist planned out, but the best moments are when the energy of the crowd just gets your mind working and you are able to come up with new tags for jokes and just riff off things in the room Picture Quote #1

Working at the magic shop really gave me a sense of comedy because it was all jokes Picture Quote #1

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You seem cynical because you’re always talking about that selfish behavior that’s dressed up as altruism. It doesn’t mean there isn’t altruism. It just means that it’s harder to make jokes about altruism Picture Quote #1

People have lost their sense of humor. In former times, we constantly made jokes about different races Picture Quote #1

I love working with older actors because number one, I can learn so much from them because they have so much experience. And it’s fun to hear their stories from their era, some of the jokes Picture Quote #1

I don’t do plays without jokes anymore. I’ve retired from those plays. I think it’s bad manners to invite people to sit in the dark for two and a half hours and not tell them the joke Picture Quote #1

I love telling stories, telling jokes, making people laugh. I’ve got no plans to stop doing it Picture Quote #1

Comedians get jokes offered to them, rock stars get women and underwear thrown onstage, and I get guys that want to take me fishing Picture Quote #1

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To have a reputation for being noble, she thought, is more confining than to be known as a wit. On the rare days when a comedian has no jokes, people pardon the lapse. There is no forgiving a saint’s occasional day of sin Picture Quote #1

I feel very comfortable in my own skin. When someone makes jokes about me being heavy, it makes me mad. It’s not true. I’m right where I should be Picture Quote #1

Death meant little to me. It was the last joke in a series of bad jokes Picture Quote #1

My gift was in comedy. I found out I could make jokes. I could tell jokes. I could write them. So over the years, that’s what I’ve done Picture Quote #1

The first obligation I have is to be funny; it’s my first impulse and an instinct. I like being funny and finding the jokes Picture Quote #1

I like my jokes to be built on a foundation of ideas, or at least smart observations Picture Quote #1

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I like shorter jokes. I like fewer words. I think the more ideas there are the, the fewer words there should be Picture Quote #1

I think there’s a difference between making comedy and reporting comedy. When you’re a joke teller you can easily fall into the second, you can show up and just say the jokes Picture Quote #1

Somehow people have been sold on the idea that only professionals can entertain them, that only professionals can sing or tell jokes. And people are cut out of this creativity loop, and creativity is being limited to these large, centralized voices Picture Quote #1

I got a pit bull from a shelter, so my whole life is centered on this dog, and I’ve been writing a lot of dog jokes. I should probably give up now, because I’m writing jokes about my dog Picture Quote #1

When we hear jokes against women, and we are asked why we don’t laugh at them, the answer is easy, simple, and short. Of course we’re not laughing.... Nobody laughs at the sight of their own blood Picture Quote #1

People keep referring to me as a standup, and that just doesn’t sit well with me because a lot of my friends are standups and they’re brilliant at writing jokes, and I’m not Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

I’m always looking at new ways to tell a joke so that it doesn’t get stale while working on new jokes every night or I would go absolutely crazy and would want to kill myself. I just want to go in there and talk about what’s bugging me (Jokes Quotes) I was always cutting words. I even would write my jokes in my notebook. I still do this, almost like a poem (Jokes Quotes) Writers tend to hate recurring characters; there’s this writer snob thing about it. But I don’t have that. I feel like the challenge is always to find a cool and innovative way to do it and, obviously, to not repeat your jokes (Jokes Quotes) If I do not do sensible things about investments I shall spend my old age in a workhouse, where nobody will understand my jokes (Jokes Quotes) I don’t take jokes from other people. It’s really not cool to steal jokes from anybody. It’s not cool to steal anything from anybody. Jokes are no different (Jokes Quotes) It’s hard to program a computer to make jokes. The brain needs to do something here; the brain needs to come up with something bizarre to make something funny (Jokes Quotes) When somebody mangles one of my jokes, that bothers me more than somebody saying that I’m the worst comedian ever (Jokes Quotes) I think I love jokes! The best jokes are equal to the best art, in my mind, and as rare (Jokes Quotes) Like great art, something essential dies when great jokes are explained. So what’s the key to telling a good joke/creating great art timing (Jokes Quotes) It’s like love making, the foreplay is the biggest part, the same thing as comedy. If you can frame your show in such a way that the funny jokes become funnier (Jokes Quotes) I always have my setlist planned out, but the best moments are when the energy of the crowd just gets your mind working and you are able to come up with new tags for jokes and just riff off things in the room (Jokes Quotes) Working at the magic shop really gave me a sense of comedy because it was all jokes (Jokes Quotes) You seem cynical because you’re always talking about that selfish behavior that’s dressed up as altruism. It doesn’t mean there isn’t altruism. It just means that it’s harder to make jokes about altruism (Jokes Quotes) People have lost their sense of humor. In former times, we constantly made jokes about different races (Jokes Quotes) I love working with older actors because number one, I can learn so much from them because they have so much experience. And it’s fun to hear their stories from their era, some of the jokes (Jokes Quotes) I don’t do plays without jokes anymore. I’ve retired from those plays. I think it’s bad manners to invite people to sit in the dark for two and a half hours and not tell them the joke (Jokes Quotes) I love telling stories, telling jokes, making people laugh. I’ve got no plans to stop doing it (Jokes Quotes) Comedians get jokes offered to them, rock stars get women and underwear thrown onstage, and I get guys that want to take me fishing (Jokes Quotes) To have a reputation for being noble, she thought, is more confining than to be known as a wit. On the rare days when a comedian has no jokes, people pardon the lapse. There is no forgiving a saint’s occasional day of sin (Jokes Quotes) I feel very comfortable in my own skin. When someone makes jokes about me being heavy, it makes me mad. It’s not true. I’m right where I should be (Jokes Quotes) Death meant little to me. It was the last joke in a series of bad jokes (Jokes Quotes) My gift was in comedy. I found out I could make jokes. I could tell jokes. I could write them. So over the years, that’s what I’ve done (Jokes Quotes) The first obligation I have is to be funny; it’s my first impulse and an instinct. I like being funny and finding the jokes (Jokes Quotes) I like my jokes to be built on a foundation of ideas, or at least smart observations (Jokes Quotes) I like shorter jokes. I like fewer words. I think the more ideas there are the, the fewer words there should be (Jokes Quotes) I think there’s a difference between making comedy and reporting comedy. When you’re a joke teller you can easily fall into the second, you can show up and just say the jokes (Jokes Quotes) Somehow people have been sold on the idea that only professionals can entertain them, that only professionals can sing or tell jokes. And people are cut out of this creativity loop, and creativity is being limited to these large, centralized voices (Jokes Quotes) I got a pit bull from a shelter, so my whole life is centered on this dog, and I’ve been writing a lot of dog jokes. I should probably give up now, because I’m writing jokes about my dog (Jokes Quotes) When we hear jokes against women, and we are asked why we don’t laugh at them, the answer is easy, simple, and short. Of course we’re not laughing.... Nobody laughs at the sight of their own blood (Jokes Quotes) People keep referring to me as a standup, and that just doesn’t sit well with me because a lot of my friends are standups and they’re brilliant at writing jokes, and I’m not (Jokes Quotes)

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