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Jokes Quotes

There have been so many jokes, about sex and relationships on the Brady Bunch set. For some reason, tabloids picked up on this Eve thing. I was on a late-night show and I said, Oh, yeah, I’ve kissed her Picture Quote #1

It’s hard to program a computer to make jokes. The brain needs to do something here; the brain needs to come up with something bizarre to make something funny Picture Quote #1

Sure I do a lot of jokes about Anne Frank. But when you do those jokes, it makes people remember what happened to her. That process of bringing her story back doesn’t have to be a serious one. What I say is all nonsense, but it helps to keep her memory alive Picture Quote #1

Sometimes I use my jokes as building blocks for larger bits. I like to draw and play music, so sometimes I do those things along with the jokes Picture Quote #1

As soon as a roast is announced, I get everybody - family, friends, waitresses, cab drivers - giving me jokes about the person getting roasted. I’m the mouthpiece for the masses Picture Quote #1

I don’t want them hip white people coming up to me and calling me no n - - or telling me n - - jokes. I don’t like it Picture Quote #1

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I have friends who are going through chemotherapy, and they make the darkest, most hideous cancer jokes you’ve ever heard Picture Quote #1

A lot of female comedians will go up there in a sweatshirt and Converses, trying to dress themselves down, because it is sort of a boy’s club. I’ll go up in my heels. I like that people don’t think I’ll be funny. I’ll take that on. I don’t do standup comedy - I do standup and I do comedy, but I don’t go up there and do jokes Picture Quote #1

I like to challenge myself not to be negative, because it’s easy to take comedy to a negative place and criticize the outside world. Trying to praise something through comedy or be appreciative and making jokes about it is more challenging than cutting things down Picture Quote #1

With comedy, the jokes will come out, and people will see them coming. Changes in daily life or current events can change the consciousness of audiences and can make the show less funny or feel more stale Picture Quote #1

My memoirs are full of humor, I had to change jokes because it was a little too dark Picture Quote #1

I said it, just like that. No stupid jokes, no changing the subject. For once, I wasn’t embarrassed, because it was the truth. I had fallen. I think I had always been falling. And she might as well know, if she didn’t already, because there was no going back now. Not for me Picture Quote #1

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Times change. The farmer’s daughter now tells jokes about the traveling salesman Picture Quote #1

Any jokes I make I try to make sure it’s on story and helps the characters and makes sense with the movie Picture Quote #1

One of the interesting things about Twitter is looking how famous people choose to use it. Take someone like Steve Martin, who I follow: it’s all sorts of comic gems, nothing private, nothing personal - all jokes. Other celebrities are overtly personal - like Charlie Sheen. I do a mix of observations and updates Picture Quote #1

I know what you’re thinking: why is Chris Rock bagging groceries? But I dropped out of high school in the tenth grade, so if I couldn’t tell jokes this is exactly what I’d be doing Picture Quote #1

I was a class clown. At 12, I was definitely clowning. I was making all the jokes. But I was smart, so the teachers didn’t know what to do with me Picture Quote #1

I tend to have a lot of jokes about ex-girlfriends. They always ask me if they will be the subject of a joke, and I always tell them they won’t. Unless they do something crazy. They all tend to, so you know where that goes. There are no closed doors. The ‘art’ will suffer Picture Quote #1

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I love the idea that we put in jokes the kids don’t get. And that later, when they grow up and read a few books and go to college and watch the show again, they can get it on a completely different level Picture Quote #1

Comedy Central is what these young people are viewing. The network speaks to their audience, which is saying, ‘Give me fast jokes. Give me party stories and party language.’ Picture Quote #1

The Comedy Central CDs combined with the TV specials are what led to my stuff being traded and passed around, and a lot more people knowing my jokes than I thought Picture Quote #1

I did a ‘Last Comic Standing’ audition in 2006, where you’re just performing for three people in a comedy club, in a big comedy club, and I remember them cutting me off, asking about my name in the middle of one of my jokes. Yeah, it’s just real weird when you’re doing stand-up in that type of sterile, unnatural setting Picture Quote #1

I just don’t get if you have ever gotten offended by a joke, why would you go to a comedy club? That’s where jokes happen Picture Quote #1

I’m not good at narrative; I’m really a gag writer, and that comes from being in the newspaper comic strip world for a while in college. What I do is I just write tons of jokes, then I sort them out in terms of quality and then pick the best of the jokes and then try to form them into a plot. If I get a good theme going, I feel lucky Picture Quote #1

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I have five boys in the family, and it’s constant competition, sport, humor, and practical jokes Picture Quote #1

I’m not the type of guy who’s funny in the room. I’m the guy who’s funny late at night on a computer, trying to construct jokes Picture Quote #1

You can make fun with Saddam Hussein jokes ... but you can’t make fun of, say, the concentration camps. I think my target was not so much evil, but benign stupidity people doing stupid things without realising or, instead, thinking they were doing good Picture Quote #1

We have come to expect campaigns to be mean and stupid and politicians to be unresponsive, self-seeking and for sale to the highest bidder. We make jokes about our vice president, and all we ask of a president is that he be likeable. We seem to have given up on the Pentagon’s corrupt use of our tax dollars Picture Quote #1

Remember that Cosby show where he harrassed the children? Well I put on a little suit and because I am so small they invited me on but nobody was laughing at my jokes. I guess I’m just, too, particularly smart for them Picture Quote #1

I don’t do Jewish stuff because I don’t want people to be left out. If I mention the Torah in Alabama, it’s not going to go down that well. I used to do some Jewish jokes because when I started, I used to play lots of Jewish country clubs Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

There have been so many jokes, about sex and relationships on the Brady Bunch set. For some reason, tabloids picked up on this Eve thing. I was on a late-night show and I said, Oh, yeah, I’ve kissed her. (Jokes Quotes) It’s hard to program a computer to make jokes. The brain needs to do something here; the brain needs to come up with something bizarre to make something funny. (Jokes Quotes) Sure I do a lot of jokes about Anne Frank. But when you do those jokes, it makes people remember what happened to her. That process of bringing her story back doesn’t have to be a serious one. What I say is all nonsense, but it helps to keep her memory alive. (Jokes Quotes) Sometimes I use my jokes as building blocks for larger bits. I like to draw and play music, so sometimes I do those things along with the jokes. (Jokes Quotes) As soon as a roast is announced, I get everybody - family, friends, waitresses, cab drivers - giving me jokes about the person getting roasted. I’m the mouthpiece for the masses. (Jokes Quotes) I don’t want them hip white people coming up to me and calling me no n - - or telling me n - - jokes. I don’t like it. (Jokes Quotes) I have friends who are going through chemotherapy, and they make the darkest, most hideous cancer jokes you’ve ever heard. (Jokes Quotes) A lot of female comedians will go up there in a sweatshirt and Converses, trying to dress themselves down, because it is sort of a boy’s club. I’ll go up in my heels. I like that people don’t think I’ll be funny. I’ll take that on. I don’t do standup comedy - I do standup and I do comedy, but I don’t go up there and do jokes. (Jokes Quotes) I like to challenge myself not to be negative, because it’s easy to take comedy to a negative place and criticize the outside world. Trying to praise something through comedy or be appreciative and making jokes about it is more challenging than cutting things down. (Jokes Quotes) With comedy, the jokes will come out, and people will see them coming. Changes in daily life or current events can change the consciousness of audiences and can make the show less funny or feel more stale. (Jokes Quotes) My memoirs are full of humor, I had to change jokes because it was a little too dark (Jokes Quotes) I said it, just like that. No stupid jokes, no changing the subject. For once, I wasn’t embarrassed, because it was the truth. I had fallen. I think I had always been falling. And she might as well know, if she didn’t already, because there was no going back now. Not for me. (Jokes Quotes) Times change. The farmer’s daughter now tells jokes about the traveling salesman. (Jokes Quotes) Any jokes I make I try to make sure it’s on story and helps the characters and makes sense with the movie. (Jokes Quotes) One of the interesting things about Twitter is looking how famous people choose to use it. Take someone like Steve Martin, who I follow: it’s all sorts of comic gems, nothing private, nothing personal - all jokes. Other celebrities are overtly personal - like Charlie Sheen. I do a mix of observations and updates. (Jokes Quotes) I know what you’re thinking: why is Chris Rock bagging groceries? But I dropped out of high school in the tenth grade, so if I couldn’t tell jokes this is exactly what I’d be doing. (Jokes Quotes) I was a class clown. At 12, I was definitely clowning. I was making all the jokes. But I was smart, so the teachers didn’t know what to do with me. (Jokes Quotes) I tend to have a lot of jokes about ex-girlfriends. They always ask me if they will be the subject of a joke, and I always tell them they won’t. Unless they do something crazy. They all tend to, so you know where that goes. There are no closed doors. The ‘art’ will suffer. (Jokes Quotes) I love the idea that we put in jokes the kids don’t get. And that later, when they grow up and read a few books and go to college and watch the show again, they can get it on a completely different level. (Jokes Quotes) Comedy Central is what these young people are viewing. The network speaks to their audience, which is saying, ‘Give me fast jokes. Give me party stories and party language.’ (Jokes Quotes) The Comedy Central CDs combined with the TV specials are what led to my stuff being traded and passed around, and a lot more people knowing my jokes than I thought. (Jokes Quotes) I did a ‘Last Comic Standing’ audition in 2006, where you’re just performing for three people in a comedy club, in a big comedy club, and I remember them cutting me off, asking about my name in the middle of one of my jokes. Yeah, it’s just real weird when you’re doing stand-up in that type of sterile, unnatural setting. (Jokes Quotes) I just don’t get if you have ever gotten offended by a joke, why would you go to a comedy club? That’s where jokes happen. (Jokes Quotes) I’m not good at narrative; I’m really a gag writer, and that comes from being in the newspaper comic strip world for a while in college. What I do is I just write tons of jokes, then I sort them out in terms of quality and then pick the best of the jokes and then try to form them into a plot. If I get a good theme going, I feel lucky. (Jokes Quotes) I have five boys in the family, and it’s constant competition, sport, humor, and practical jokes. (Jokes Quotes) I’m not the type of guy who’s funny in the room. I’m the guy who’s funny late at night on a computer, trying to construct jokes. (Jokes Quotes) You can make fun with Saddam Hussein jokes ... but you can’t make fun of, say, the concentration camps. I think my target was not so much evil, but benign stupidity people doing stupid things without realising or, instead, thinking they were doing good. (Jokes Quotes) We have come to expect campaigns to be mean and stupid and politicians to be unresponsive, self-seeking and for sale to the highest bidder. We make jokes about our vice president, and all we ask of a president is that he be likeable. We seem to have given up on the Pentagon’s corrupt use of our tax dollars. (Jokes Quotes) Remember that Cosby show where he harrassed the children? Well I put on a little suit and because I am so small they invited me on but nobody was laughing at my jokes. I guess I’m just, too, particularly smart for them. (Jokes Quotes) I don’t do Jewish stuff because I don’t want people to be left out. If I mention the Torah in Alabama, it’s not going to go down that well. I used to do some Jewish jokes because when I started, I used to play lots of Jewish country clubs. (Jokes Quotes)

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