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Jon Stewart Quotes

I have to tell you I enjoy Jon Stewart. That’s the truth. I actually think he’s very funny. I’ve paid to see him do his stand-up routine Picture Quote #1

You know, I’m a comedian the same as Bill Maher and Jon Stewart. We all came up the same way. The three of us have interest in politics; I call us fundits, we’re fundits! We’re not pundits! Picture Quote #1

They always throw around this term ‘the liberal elite.’ And I kept thinking to myself about the Christian right. What’s more elite than believing that only you will go to heaven? Picture Quote #1

Jon Stewart says that he was a little kid with a big head. He had very little athletic ability. He went out to the soccer field, and it was awful Picture Quote #1

Jeff Ross has a new show on Comedy Central where he roasts the news. It’ll be perfect for people who find Jon Stewart too handsome and funny Picture Quote #1

I don’t know how to read. I get all my news from Jon Stewart every day Picture Quote #1

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I watch Jon Stewart because I need to laugh. Otherwise, life gets too serious. Besides that, I don’t watch any news Picture Quote #1

Following revelations that he fathered a love child, the good Reverend Jesse Jackson - or should we say the ‘very’ good Reverend - is enduring the scandal with the help of family and friends. A scandal which gives clearer meaning to the Rainbow Coalition’s Operation ‘Push’ Picture Quote #1

The Department of Homeland Security recommends a three-day supply of water consisting of one bottle per day for each person in your home. Plus one extra bottle to give you all something to kill each other over on day four Picture Quote #1

Yes! We finally captured Martha Stewart. You know, with all the massive and almost completely unpunished fraud perpetrated on the public by companies like Enron, Global Crossing, and Tyco we finally got the ring leader. Maybe now we can lower the nation’s terror alert to periwinkle Picture Quote #1

Making it [St. Patrick’s Day] a great day for the Irish, but just an ok day if you’re looking for a quiet tavern to talk, read or have a white wine spritzer Picture Quote #1

Don’t you dare besmirch the name of Congress. They are patriotic Americans trying to dress and feed themselves Picture Quote #1

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I’m too short to host a late-night talk show. It’s like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over Picture Quote #1

If you don’t get it right with your first family, you can always do it again with another Picture Quote #1

You can buy [John McCain’s] book, but in a week and a half, he’ll have another Picture Quote #1

But that hair? That is comedy entrapment. People are not attacking your hair, they are defending themselves from something that appears like it’s about to attack them Picture Quote #1

Being funny in life is a lot more like judo. It’s using the energy Picture Quote #1

If you don’t stick to your values when they’re being tested, they’re not values: they’re hobbies Picture Quote #1

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Really, an historic night last night. You may have heard, Barack Obama will be the first black president of the United States of America. ... Obama is also the first Democrat to receive more than 50 percent of the vote since Jimmy Carter, the first senator to be elected since Jack Kennedy, the first Muslim to be ... I said too much Picture Quote #1

Body hair. You know when you’re swimming as a kid and you want to crawl on your dad? None of us went anywhere near him. ‘My God, a beaver! Everyone out of the pool! Picture Quote #1

I’m not just a boy toy. I have feelings and dreams like anybody else Picture Quote #1

If you break someone’s leg, shouldn’t you have to be the crutch for a while? Picture Quote #1

Al-Qaeda’s resurgence brings out the worst in the Bush Administration’s math and logic Picture Quote #1

I really think [the Bush Administration]’s foreign policy agenda is to spread irony through the world Picture Quote #1

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I’ve said yes to everything that Jon Stewart has asked me to do. That’s been a pretty good career decision, I think Picture Quote #1

New York became the first state to ban talking on hand-held cell phones while driving. First-time violators could receive a fine of $100, with an additional mandatory six-month jail sentence if your ringer plays a Latin-themed novelty song Picture Quote #1

The first time I met Jon Stewart was at the press conference that Comedy Central held to announce Jon would be the new host of ‘The Daily Show,’ which back then was not called ‘The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.’ Picture Quote #1

College is something you complete. Life is something you experience. So don’t worry about your grade, or the results or success. Success is defined in myriad ways, and you will find it, and people will no longer be grading you, but it will come from your own internal sense of decency Picture Quote #1

Bush proposed a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage. Some saw the move as an attempt to preserve traditional values, while others saw it as a cynical ploy to ensure that Vice President... Cheney will never have to pay for his gay daughter’s wedding Picture Quote #1

Alright guys, I want to get out there and vote tomorrow. And not because it’s cool, because it’s not. You know what is cool? Smoking. Smoke while you vote Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

I have to tell you I enjoy Jon Stewart. That’s the truth. I actually think he’s very funny. I’ve paid to see him do his stand-up routine (Jon Stewart Quotes) You know, I’m a comedian the same as Bill Maher and Jon Stewart. We all came up the same way. The three of us have interest in politics; I call us fundits, we’re fundits! We’re not pundits! (Jon Stewart Quotes) They always throw around this term ‘the liberal elite.’ And I kept thinking to myself about the Christian right. What’s more elite than believing that only you will go to heaven? (Jon Stewart Quotes) Jon Stewart says that he was a little kid with a big head. He had very little athletic ability. He went out to the soccer field, and it was awful (Jon Stewart Quotes) Jeff Ross has a new show on Comedy Central where he roasts the news. It’ll be perfect for people who find Jon Stewart too handsome and funny (Jon Stewart Quotes) I don’t know how to read. I get all my news from Jon Stewart every day (Jon Stewart Quotes) I watch Jon Stewart because I need to laugh. Otherwise, life gets too serious. Besides that, I don’t watch any news (Jon Stewart Quotes) Following revelations that he fathered a love child, the good Reverend Jesse Jackson - or should we say the ‘very’ good Reverend - is enduring the scandal with the help of family and friends. A scandal which gives clearer meaning to the Rainbow Coalition’s Operation ‘Push’ (Jon Stewart Quotes) The Department of Homeland Security recommends a three-day supply of water consisting of one bottle per day for each person in your home. Plus one extra bottle to give you all something to kill each other over on day four (Jon Stewart Quotes) Yes! We finally captured Martha Stewart. You know, with all the massive and almost completely unpunished fraud perpetrated on the public by companies like Enron, Global Crossing, and Tyco we finally got the ring leader. Maybe now we can lower the nation’s terror alert to periwinkle (Jon Stewart Quotes) Making it [St. Patrick’s Day] a great day for the Irish, but just an ok day if you’re looking for a quiet tavern to talk, read or have a white wine spritzer (Jon Stewart Quotes) Don’t you dare besmirch the name of Congress. They are patriotic Americans trying to dress and feed themselves. (Jon Stewart Quotes) I’m too short to host a late-night talk show. It’s like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over. (Jon Stewart Quotes) If you don’t get it right with your first family, you can always do it again with another (Jon Stewart Quotes) You can buy [John McCain’s] book, but in a week and a half, he’ll have another (Jon Stewart Quotes) But that hair? That is comedy entrapment. People are not attacking your hair, they are defending themselves from something that appears like it’s about to attack them. (Jon Stewart Quotes) Being funny in life is a lot more like judo. It’s using the energy... (Jon Stewart Quotes) If you don’t stick to your values when they’re being tested, they’re not values: they’re hobbies. (Jon Stewart Quotes) Really, an historic night last night. You may have heard, Barack Obama will be the first black president of the United States of America. ... Obama is also the first Democrat to receive more than 50 percent of the vote since Jimmy Carter, the first senator to be elected since Jack Kennedy, the first Muslim to be ... I said too much. (Jon Stewart Quotes) Body hair. You know when you’re swimming as a kid and you want to crawl on your dad? None of us went anywhere near him. ‘My God, a beaver! Everyone out of the pool! (Jon Stewart Quotes) I’m not just a boy toy. I have feelings and dreams like anybody else. (Jon Stewart Quotes) If you break someone’s leg, shouldn’t you have to be the crutch for a while? (Jon Stewart Quotes) Al-Qaeda’s resurgence brings out the worst in the Bush Administration’s math and logic (Jon Stewart Quotes) I really think [the Bush Administration]’s foreign policy agenda is to spread irony through the world. (Jon Stewart Quotes) I’ve said yes to everything that Jon Stewart has asked me to do. That’s been a pretty good career decision, I think. (Jon Stewart Quotes) New York became the first state to ban talking on hand-held cell phones while driving. First-time violators could receive a fine of $100, with an additional mandatory six-month jail sentence if your ringer plays a Latin-themed novelty song. (Jon Stewart Quotes) The first time I met Jon Stewart was at the press conference that Comedy Central held to announce Jon would be the new host of ‘The Daily Show,’ which back then was not called ‘The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.’ (Jon Stewart Quotes) College is something you complete. Life is something you experience. So don’t worry about your grade, or the results or success. Success is defined in myriad ways, and you will find it, and people will no longer be grading you, but it will come from your own internal sense of decency. (Jon Stewart Quotes) Bush proposed a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage. Some saw the move as an attempt to preserve traditional values, while others saw it as a cynical ploy to ensure that Vice President... Cheney will never have to pay for his gay daughter’s wedding. (Jon Stewart Quotes) Alright guys, I want to get out there and vote tomorrow. And not because it’s cool, because it’s not. You know what is cool? Smoking. Smoke while you vote. (Jon Stewart Quotes)

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