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Jon Stewart Quotes

Jazz musicians are the coolest people on the planet. Can I have some cool? Picture Quote #1

They have to put Trump on every program, spewing his crazy ideas, because his poll numbers are so high. And his poll numbers are so high because they put him on every program, spewing his crazy ideas Picture Quote #1

At first the difference will be in whatever atmosphere I bring into it. It’s not going to be like, ‘I really want to do The Daily Show and I’d love to turn it into an abstract musical.’ I like the format and the chance to satirize the news Picture Quote #1

We grew up in the good old days before kids had these damn computers and actually played outside Picture Quote #1

On an average day 7 minutes of news happens. Yet there are currently three full-time, 24-hour news networks Picture Quote #1

McVeigh’s lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done Picture Quote #1

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The best way to describe my ability was to say that after the game the other kids would say to me, ‘Way to try!’ Picture Quote #1

Why would these English explorers search for these spices, yet never use them in their food? Picture Quote #1

I’m a little bit too obsessed with the news. I find the news easier to follow than narrative entertainment programs Picture Quote #1

We don’t consider ourselves equal opportunity anythings, because that’s not - you know, that’s the beauty of fake journalism. We don’t have to - we travel in fake ethics Picture Quote #1

61% of graduating teens have had sex, 37% will eventually have sex, and 2% become statisticians Picture Quote #1

I visit Fox News every now and again, and it’s nice, because the Eye of Mordor is above the building Picture Quote #1

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Sitting around with funny people, banging out jokes and creating a television show. I have no hobbies, no outside interests. I’m fine with spending 14 hours a day putting a show together with tape and string Picture Quote #1

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land Picture Quote #1

Some people look at a glass and see it as half-full. Others look at a glass and call it a dragon Picture Quote #1

It seems like Michael Vick is going to jail for dog fighting. Hopefully, they won’t have guard dogs Picture Quote #1

In what is perhaps the strangest turn in the President’s efforts to rally support, he agreed that Iraq is just like Vietnam, but in a good way Picture Quote #1

As we approach the millennium with sort of the idea that society is going to start spiraling into chaos, I’d love to be making jokes about that. Who wants to miss out on that? If the world is going to end, I want to be there the night before, goofing off Picture Quote #1

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You know, in Saudi Arabia, you’re innocent until proven Jewish. Female. Guilty! They’re guilty! Picture Quote #1

What you do for Jewish New Year is you go down to Times Square ... It’s a lot quieter than the regular New Year. It’s just a few Jews walking around going, sup? Picture Quote #1

Love what you do. Get good at it. Competence is a rare commodity in this day and age. And let the chips fall where they may Picture Quote #1

The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom Picture Quote #1

McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done Picture Quote #1

Everything is presented in as devious a manner as it could possibly be presented Picture Quote #1

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If you try to hit a grand slam, you’re going to strike out Picture Quote #1

A guy who says what people who aren’t thinking are thinking Picture Quote #1

California is choosing between the lesser of, uh, 300 evils Picture Quote #1

The rise of secularism has brought about an increase in hostility toward things religious Picture Quote #1

The beautiful thing about faking a news show is the topicality is delayed Picture Quote #1

I have complete faith in the continued absurdity of whatever’s going on Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

Jazz musicians are the coolest people on the planet. Can I have some cool? (Jon Stewart Quotes) They have to put Trump on every program, spewing his crazy ideas, because his poll numbers are so high. And his poll numbers are so high because they put him on every program, spewing his crazy ideas. (Jon Stewart Quotes) At first the difference will be in whatever atmosphere I bring into it. It’s not going to be like, ‘I really want to do The Daily Show and I’d love to turn it into an abstract musical.’ I like the format and the chance to satirize the news. (Jon Stewart Quotes) We grew up in the good old days before kids had these damn computers and actually played outside (Jon Stewart Quotes) On an average day 7 minutes of news happens. Yet there are currently three full-time, 24-hour news networks. (Jon Stewart Quotes) McVeigh’s lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done (Jon Stewart Quotes) The best way to describe my ability was to say that after the game the other kids would say to me, ‘Way to try!’ (Jon Stewart Quotes) Why would these English explorers search for these spices, yet never use them in their food? (Jon Stewart Quotes) I’m a little bit too obsessed with the news. I find the news easier to follow than narrative entertainment programs. (Jon Stewart Quotes) We don’t consider ourselves equal opportunity anythings, because that’s not - you know, that’s the beauty of fake journalism. We don’t have to - we travel in fake ethics. (Jon Stewart Quotes) 61% of graduating teens have had sex, 37% will eventually have sex, and 2% become statisticians (Jon Stewart Quotes) I visit Fox News every now and again, and it’s nice, because the Eye of Mordor is above the building. (Jon Stewart Quotes) Sitting around with funny people, banging out jokes and creating a television show. I have no hobbies, no outside interests. I’m fine with spending 14 hours a day putting a show together with tape and string. (Jon Stewart Quotes) I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land. (Jon Stewart Quotes) Some people look at a glass and see it as half-full. Others look at a glass and call it a dragon. (Jon Stewart Quotes) It seems like Michael Vick is going to jail for dog fighting. Hopefully, they won’t have guard dogs. (Jon Stewart Quotes) In what is perhaps the strangest turn in the President’s efforts to rally support, he agreed that Iraq is just like Vietnam, but in a good way. (Jon Stewart Quotes) As we approach the millennium with sort of the idea that society is going to start spiraling into chaos, I’d love to be making jokes about that. Who wants to miss out on that? If the world is going to end, I want to be there the night before, goofing off. (Jon Stewart Quotes) You know, in Saudi Arabia, you’re innocent until proven Jewish. Female. Guilty! They’re guilty! (Jon Stewart Quotes) What you do for Jewish New Year is you go down to Times Square ... It’s a lot quieter than the regular New Year. It’s just a few Jews walking around going, sup? (Jon Stewart Quotes) Love what you do. Get good at it. Competence is a rare commodity in this day and age. And let the chips fall where they may (Jon Stewart Quotes) The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom (Jon Stewart Quotes) McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done (Jon Stewart Quotes) Everything is presented in as devious a manner as it could possibly be presented (Jon Stewart Quotes) If you try to hit a grand slam, you’re going to strike out (Jon Stewart Quotes) A guy who says what people who aren’t thinking are thinking (Jon Stewart Quotes) California is choosing between the lesser of, uh, 300 evils (Jon Stewart Quotes) The rise of secularism has brought about an increase in hostility toward things religious (Jon Stewart Quotes) The beautiful thing about faking a news show is the topicality is delayed (Jon Stewart Quotes) I have complete faith in the continued absurdity of whatever’s going on (Jon Stewart Quotes)

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