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Jon Stewart Quotes
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Friendship Quotes
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Text Quotes
They said I wasn't being funny. and I said to them, I know that, but tomorrow I will go back to being funny, and your show will still blow (Jon Stewart Quotes)
I really thought that the make - up artist for Cinderella Man should have won. I mean, it's so hard to make Russell Crowe look like he got in a fight (Jon Stewart Quotes)
Ricky Gervais couldn't be here tonight, so instead we're going to give this to our friend Steve Carell (Jon Stewart Quotes)
As a comedian, as a person, as a citizen, as a mammal - in all of those areas, I am looking forward to the end of the Bush administration with every fiber of my being (Jon Stewart Quotes)
I think the metric by which television is considered liberal is literally based on the metric of liberalism in each person's soul. Peoples' senses of humor tend to go about as far as their ideology (Jon Stewart Quotes)
Taken reasonable concerns about this president and this economy and turned it into a full fledged panic about the next coming of Chairman Mao (Jon Stewart Quotes)
The reason I don't despair is that... This attack happened. It's not a dream. But the aftermath of it, the recovery, is a dream realized. and that is Martin Luther King's dream (Jon Stewart Quotes)
By the way, if that baby in there turns out to be Jesus... Somebody owes somebody an apology (Jon Stewart Quotes)
Mr. Whittington is doing fine, but based on this development, we're gonna downgrade the condition of the story from Incredibly hilarious to Still funny, but, mmm, a little sad (Jon Stewart Quotes)
You keep talking about it would be redefining a word. And it feels like semantics is cold comfort when it comes to humanity (Jon Stewart Quotes)
If I'd only followed CNBC's advice, I'd have a million dollars today. Provided I'd started with a hundred million dollars (Jon Stewart Quotes)
Although to be fair, cherry picking isn't quite what we do. Cherries are sweet and delicious. What we do is more turd mining. and I'll thank you to give our work the respect it deserves! (Jon Stewart Quotes)
So, let me tell you why I think this thing has caught some attention. It's the gap between what CNBC advertises itself as and what it is. and the help that people need to discern this (Jon Stewart Quotes)
Look, we're both snake oil salesman to a certain extent, but we do label the show as snake oil here. Isn't there a problem selling snake oil as vitamin tonic? (Jon Stewart Quotes)
On an average day 7 minutes of news happens. Yet there are currently three full time, 24 hour news networks (Jon Stewart Quotes)
Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake (Jon Stewart Quotes)
You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena (Jon Stewart Quotes)
To have not shot his friend in the face would have sent a message to the quail that America is weak (Jon Stewart Quotes)
Pigmentation was a quick and convenient way of judging a person. One of us, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., once proposed we instead judge people by the content of their character. He was shot (Jon Stewart Quotes)
Campaigns and elections are the process in which democracy separates the willing from the able, and goes with the willing (Jon Stewart Quotes)
It is perhaps a sign of the strength of our republic that so few people feel the need to participate. That must be the reason (Jon Stewart Quotes)
The problem with the Tea Party is they're all ignorant hillbillies who drink moonshine and ride around on mules. And they believe in stereotypes too (Jon Stewart Quotes)
You can use your idealism to further your aims, if you realize that nothing is Nirvana, nothing is perfect (Jon Stewart Quotes)
I thinking gay and straight people use the same putters, it's not a matter of putters but a matter of hole selection (Jon Stewart Quotes)
The Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey Martin has a legal right to ride in a golf cart between shots at PGA Tour events. Man, the next thing you know, they're going to have some guy carry his clubs around for him (Jon Stewart Quotes)
If the events of September 11, 2001, have proven anything, it's that the terrorists can attack us, but they can't take away what makes us American - our freedom, our liberty, our civil rights. No, only Attorney General John Ashcroft can do that (Jon Stewart Quotes)
Nobody says, hey men should not drink. It’s all about women must dress differently, women must walk differently, women must drink differently. Why are we not able to hold men to account for this behavior? (Jon Stewart Quotes)
The only time a politico will try to avoid playing the blame game is when they or theirs are to blame (Jon Stewart Quotes)
Watching these channels all day is incredibly depressing. I live in a constant state of depression. I think of us as turd miners. I put on my helmet, I go and mine turds, hopefully I don’t get turd lung disease (Jon Stewart Quotes)
Our show is obviously at a disadvantage with any of the other news shows we’re competing against. For one thing, we are fake. They are not. So in terms of credibility, we are... well, oddly enough we’re about even (Jon Stewart Quotes)