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Justin Halpern Quotes
![[The] majority of the girls working there had major emotional problems. And not cries-too-much emotional problems; more like stabs-her-boyfriend-with-a-steak-knife-then-falls-into-a-corner-and-starts-whispering-to-herself emotional problems Picture Quote #1](https://img.picturequotes.com/2/965/964545/964545.webp "[The] majority of the girls working there had major emotional problems. And not cries-too-much emotional problems; more like stabs-her-boyfriend-with-a-steak-knife-then-falls-into-a-corner-and-starts-whispering-to-herself emotional problems Picture Quote #1")
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Friendship Quotes
Love Quotes
Life Quotes
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Text Quotes
No, you can’t go getting mad at people because they’re shitty. Life will get mad at them, don’t worry.. (Justin Halpern Quotes)
[The] majority of the girls working there had major emotional problems. And not cries-too-much emotional problems; more like stabs-her-boyfriend-with-a-steak-knife-then-falls-into-a-corner-and-starts-whispering-to-herself emotional problems. (Justin Halpern Quotes)
The baby will talk when he talks, relax. It ain’t like he knows the cure for cancer and just ain’t spitting it out. (Justin Halpern Quotes)
Although Kurt Vonnegut may not be considered a humor writer, ‘Breakfast of Champions’ is one of the funniest books I’ve ever read. (Justin Halpern Quotes)
Oh spare me, being stuck in your bedroom is not like prison. You don’t have to worry about being gang-raped in your bedroom (Justin Halpern Quotes)
You go ahead. I’d rather not be shot out of a tube into a pool filled with a bunch of nine-year-olds’ urine (Justin Halpern Quotes)
The thing with Bill Shatner is he brings something unique to everything he does. He’s not the obvious choice for anything, but he always brings something special to it (Justin Halpern Quotes)
The Internet has really democratized ideas. There are no real gatekeepers any more, because if you have a great idea, and you put it online, people will find it and it will get in front of who it needs to get in front of (Justin Halpern Quotes)
Before I proposed to my now-wife, I was understandably nervous. My father suggested that I take stock of all of my experiences and relationships with women, from my earliest memories to present day, and see if I had learned anything that might inform my decision (Justin Halpern Quotes)
I almost feel like I’m unoffendable now. I can roll with whatever (Justin Halpern Quotes)
Sometimes its nice when people you love need you (Justin Halpern Quotes)
I just want silence... Jesus, it doesn’t mean I don’t like you. It just means right now, I like silence more (Justin Halpern Quotes)
Although Kurt Vonnegut may not be considered a humor writer, ‘Breakfast of Champions’ is one of the funniest books I’ve ever read (Justin Halpern Quotes)
Writing a book is incredibly pleasurable, but very solitary. You have total control, but sometimes that can drive you insane (Justin Halpern Quotes)
I feel like if I'm going to give you a book about my dad, then I really want to give you my dad, because he is interesting and he is funny and if you're buying a book about him, I don't want you to have to sit through stuff that's not him (Justin Halpern Quotes)
If it’s not bourbon or sweatpants, it’s going in the garbage... No, don’t get creative. Now is not a creative time. Now is a bourbon and sweatpants time (Justin Halpern Quotes)
You worry too much. Eat some bacon... what? No, I got no idea if it’ll make you feel better, I just made too much bacon (Justin Halpern Quotes)
The baby will talk when he talks, relax. It ain’t like he knows the cure for cancer and just ain’t spitting it out (Justin Halpern Quotes)
That woman was sexy... Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won’t screw you. Don’t do it for them (Justin Halpern Quotes)
Why would you throw a ball in someone’s face?... Huh. That’s a pretty good reason. Well, I can’t do much about your teacher being pissed, but me and you are good (Justin Halpern Quotes)
People are always trying to tell you how they feel. Some of them say it outright, and some of them, they tell you with their actions. And you have to listen. I don’t know what will happen with your lady friend. I think she’s a nice person, and I hope you get what you want. But do me a favor: Listen, and don’t ignore what you hear (Justin Halpern Quotes)
There is no definitive guidebook on how to pick the right partner, and even if there were, I’m way too dumb to write it (Justin Halpern Quotes)
I kind of came to the conclusion after I did finally get married that love and relationships are just a series of horrific losses with hopefully one win (Justin Halpern Quotes)
I just wanted to compile these stories about growing up with my father and I wanted people to be able to enjoy them individually, but also the entire book as a whole (Justin Halpern Quotes)
I'm not a guy who curses very much in my personal life. When I curse it sounds like a kid trying to be cool. But I think there are quite a few people, my father being one of them, who use curse words rather eloquently (Justin Halpern Quotes)