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Lewis Black Quotes

If you are an adult, and you are planning to dress up on Halloween...don’t. I will find you. I will hurt you Picture Quote #1

Elected officials shouldn’t get to choose who gets to choose elected officials Picture Quote #1

If you don’t drink 56 bottles of water a week, scientists say you should take a garden hose at the end of the week and shove it up your ass Picture Quote #1

When it comes to idiots, America’s got more than its fair share. If idiots were energy, it would be a source that would never run out Picture Quote #1

If you’re going to vote for somebody because you think they have a great faith in God, you’d better be sure that God has faith in them Picture Quote #1

For a while, I thought the great disappointment of my life was that I don’t have a family of my own. Then it dawned on me: That’s not what I think; that’s what married people think Picture Quote #1

Democrats are like a big tortoise that’s on its back and can’t get up; you can’t make jokes about that Picture Quote #1

There should be a law that you can’t shut down the government - that you don’t have that power Picture Quote #1

I’m always amazed when I hear people saying; That George Bush, he’s a great leader. And I wonder, where can one find a drug that would make one so delusional? Picture Quote #1

I’m not a great joke writer, which is odd for a comic to say, but I’m not Picture Quote #1

If you’re seeing a psychiatrist, you’re wasting money because all you’ve got to do is get on a plane, get on a subway tomorrow and, inevitably, you’re going to be seated in front of some guy who’s playing with himself, and he’ll be singing, ‘Happy Days Are Here Again.’ I tell you - when I see that guy, I feel pretty good about myself Picture Quote #1

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911 Picture Quote #1

How our government works... It doesn't Picture Quote #1

Dick Cheney... and that's all I've gotta say Picture Quote #1

It's 2003. Why can't I teleport? Picture Quote #1

Writing is thinking and thinking is hard work Picture Quote #1

Should I eat this or should I eat this? Well, I'll have to eat both! Picture Quote #1

I am Batman. That's who I am, who are you? Picture Quote #1

Mother Teresa had a mustache. Hitler had a mustache. Mother Teresa is Hitler Picture Quote #1

My favorite health club is the International House of Pancakes Picture Quote #1

MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken! Picture Quote #1

Turns out we've been eating the wrong things... since the dawn of civilisation Picture Quote #1

You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned Picture Quote #1

Elected officials shouldn't get to choose who gets to choose elected officials Picture Quote #1

All food is comfort food. Maybe I just like to chew Picture Quote #1

These people [the Christians] watched the Flintstones as if it were a documentary Picture Quote #1

I love anything that gets me outside of my own head Picture Quote #1

Online, there's no time. It's always Christmas Picture Quote #1

People would be a lot better off if they'd enjoy being single Picture Quote #1

As psychotic as it gets outside, the comic can be more psychotic Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

Text Quotes

If you are an adult, and you are planning to dress up on Halloween...don’t. I will find you. I will hurt you. (Lewis Black Quotes) Elected officials shouldn’t get to choose who gets to choose elected officials (Lewis Black Quotes) If you don’t drink 56 bottles of water a week, scientists say you should take a garden hose at the end of the week and shove it up your ass. (Lewis Black Quotes) When it comes to idiots, America’s got more than its fair share. If idiots were energy, it would be a source that would never run out. (Lewis Black Quotes) If you’re going to vote for somebody because you think they have a great faith in God, you’d better be sure that God has faith in them. (Lewis Black Quotes) For a while, I thought the great disappointment of my life was that I don’t have a family of my own. Then it dawned on me: That’s not what I think; that’s what married people think. (Lewis Black Quotes) Democrats are like a big tortoise that’s on its back and can’t get up; you can’t make jokes about that. (Lewis Black Quotes) There should be a law that you can’t shut down the government - that you don’t have that power. (Lewis Black Quotes) I’m always amazed when I hear people saying; That George Bush, he’s a great leader. And I wonder, where can one find a drug that would make one so delusional? (Lewis Black Quotes) I’m not a great joke writer, which is odd for a comic to say, but I’m not (Lewis Black Quotes) If you’re seeing a psychiatrist, you’re wasting money because all you’ve got to do is get on a plane, get on a subway tomorrow and, inevitably, you’re going to be seated in front of some guy who’s playing with himself, and he’ll be singing, ‘Happy Days Are Here Again.’ I tell you - when I see that guy, I feel pretty good about myself. (Lewis Black Quotes) All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911 (Lewis Black Quotes) How our government works... It doesn't (Lewis Black Quotes) Dick Cheney... and that's all I've gotta say (Lewis Black Quotes) It's 2003. Why can't I teleport? (Lewis Black Quotes) Writing is thinking and thinking is hard work (Lewis Black Quotes) Should I eat this or should I eat this? Well, I'll have to eat both! (Lewis Black Quotes) I am Batman. That's who I am, who are you? (Lewis Black Quotes) Mother Teresa had a mustache. Hitler had a mustache. Mother Teresa is Hitler (Lewis Black Quotes) My favorite health club is the International House of Pancakes (Lewis Black Quotes) MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken! (Lewis Black Quotes) Turns out we've been eating the wrong things... since the dawn of civilisation (Lewis Black Quotes) You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned (Lewis Black Quotes) Elected officials shouldn't get to choose who gets to choose elected officials (Lewis Black Quotes) All food is comfort food. Maybe I just like to chew (Lewis Black Quotes) These people [the Christians] watched the Flintstones as if it were a documentary (Lewis Black Quotes) I love anything that gets me outside of my own head (Lewis Black Quotes) Online, there's no time. It's always Christmas (Lewis Black Quotes) People would be a lot better off if they'd enjoy being single (Lewis Black Quotes) As psychotic as it gets outside, the comic can be more psychotic (Lewis Black Quotes)

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