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Mallory Ortberg Quotes

In my final year of attending a Christian sports camp in rural Missouri, the year before I started high school, they began to offer an elective Bible study group for young Christians who wanted a chance to read in the afternoons instead of learn to water-ski Picture Quote #1

Not being virulently and overtly racist against black people and treating gay people like human beings are necessary conditions of greatness Picture Quote #1

It’s so, so awful for my entire body and my spine and my hands, and I have a perfectly good desk to write at, but I don’t care. I love writing in bed Picture Quote #1

My credentials, briefly: I no longer go to church or believe in God, but I can still name every one of the fruits of the Spirit and reeled for days upon hearing the announcement that Audio Adrenaline was reunited with one of the singers from DC Talk Picture Quote #1

We went to church twice a week. My parents were employed in ministry; we prayed before dinner. We rollerbladed in the summer. We were allowed to watch the ‘Simpsons.’ I fought with my younger brother over Legos Picture Quote #1

Many fathers go their entire lives without announcing how sexy their son’s old girlfriends are Picture Quote #1

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I do not think it is selfish to want to donate a kidney only to family members Picture Quote #1

A lot of my creative energy is spent coming up with a concept that, once I get it, I feel like it writes itself Picture Quote #1

Did you know that, pound for pound, the moose is the leanest ruminant on Earth? It’s true. Moose are very in tune with their natural surroundings Picture Quote #1

I love ‘Jane Eyre,’ and I love the Bronte sisters. I actually didn’t read any of them until I was in college, so I don’t have quite the same connection with them that I think a lot of women do Picture Quote #1

Tenancy laws can be so complicated; I want to make sure OP is protected as much as possible Picture Quote #1

I’m forgetful by nature and often ask family, friends, and co-workers the same question Picture Quote #1

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I have a lot of faith in the power of joking to make something thoughtful Picture Quote #1

If and when you do decide to share your experience with your husband, it should be because you feel ready to do so, not for any other reason Picture Quote #1

There’s simply no way you can tell a woman you work with that you disapprove of her relationship with her adult child, no matter how much you think it would be better for him to move out Picture Quote #1

A lot of my creative energy is spent coming up with a concept that, once I get it, I feel like it writes itself Picture Quote #1

Anything where I get to write a lot of jokes and have a lot of creative control - that’s all I want Picture Quote #1

Eighty per cent of my output is ‘Mallory clowns on the Western canon,’ and I’m happy to be that person Picture Quote #1

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Everyone wants to be liked; everyone wants approval. No one likes being ignored Picture Quote #1

Humor is always more interesting when it comes from someone who’s had more than, like, five experiences Picture Quote #1

I graduated with an English degree and worked for awhile in academic publishing Picture Quote #1

The mere idea of asking a family member if they intentionally stopped sending me an annual bonus makes me feel like breaking out in hives Picture Quote #1

I have fun going on Twitter and the Internet. I feel safe and comfortable, and I wish everyone could feel that way Picture Quote #1

In the hands of a passive-aggressive person who wants to abdicate responsibility for things, texting is a great tool. You can really go nuts Picture Quote #1

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It certainly was unusual growing up with two fairly well-known pastors as my parents Picture Quote #1

It’s an unfortunate reality of life that toxins are constantly building up in our bodies Picture Quote #1

Usually my writing is very over the top and bombastic and very, like, ‘I’m amazing! Look at me!’ Picture Quote #1

I attended an evangelical Christian university on the outskirts of suburban Los Angeles and by the time of my graduation was neither evangelical nor Christian Picture Quote #1

I love ‘Jane Eyre,’ and I love the Bronte sisters. I actually didn’t read any of them until I was in college, so I don’t have quite the same connection with them that I think a lot of women do Picture Quote #1

I think female solitude is a mental condition as well as a physical state. You can be married and a spinster. I think spinster is an identity every woman can claim, if she will... I feel like a lot of women, or a lot of feminists, joke about taking to the sea or living alone in a cottage as this kind of fun freedom Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

In my final year of attending a Christian sports camp in rural Missouri, the year before I started high school, they began to offer an elective Bible study group for young Christians who wanted a chance to read in the afternoons instead of learn to water-ski. (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) Not being virulently and overtly racist against black people and treating gay people like human beings are necessary conditions of greatness. (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) It’s so, so awful for my entire body and my spine and my hands, and I have a perfectly good desk to write at, but I don’t care. I love writing in bed. (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) My credentials, briefly: I no longer go to church or believe in God, but I can still name every one of the fruits of the Spirit and reeled for days upon hearing the announcement that Audio Adrenaline was reunited with one of the singers from DC Talk. (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) We went to church twice a week. My parents were employed in ministry; we prayed before dinner. We rollerbladed in the summer. We were allowed to watch the ‘Simpsons.’ I fought with my younger brother over Legos. (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) Many fathers go their entire lives without announcing how sexy their son’s old girlfriends are (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) I do not think it is selfish to want to donate a kidney only to family members (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) A lot of my creative energy is spent coming up with a concept that, once I get it, I feel like it writes itself. (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) Did you know that, pound for pound, the moose is the leanest ruminant on Earth? It’s true. Moose are very in tune with their natural surroundings (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) I love ‘Jane Eyre,’ and I love the Bronte sisters. I actually didn’t read any of them until I was in college, so I don’t have quite the same connection with them that I think a lot of women do. (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) Tenancy laws can be so complicated; I want to make sure OP is protected as much as possible (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) I’m forgetful by nature and often ask family, friends, and co-workers the same question (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) I have a lot of faith in the power of joking to make something thoughtful (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) If and when you do decide to share your experience with your husband, it should be because you feel ready to do so, not for any other reason (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) There’s simply no way you can tell a woman you work with that you disapprove of her relationship with her adult child, no matter how much you think it would be better for him to move out (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) A lot of my creative energy is spent coming up with a concept that, once I get it, I feel like it writes itself (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) Anything where I get to write a lot of jokes and have a lot of creative control - that’s all I want (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) Eighty per cent of my output is ‘Mallory clowns on the Western canon,’ and I’m happy to be that person (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) Everyone wants to be liked; everyone wants approval. No one likes being ignored (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) Humor is always more interesting when it comes from someone who’s had more than, like, five experiences (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) I graduated with an English degree and worked for awhile in academic publishing (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) The mere idea of asking a family member if they intentionally stopped sending me an annual bonus makes me feel like breaking out in hives (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) I have fun going on Twitter and the Internet. I feel safe and comfortable, and I wish everyone could feel that way (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) In the hands of a passive-aggressive person who wants to abdicate responsibility for things, texting is a great tool. You can really go nuts (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) It certainly was unusual growing up with two fairly well-known pastors as my parents (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) It’s an unfortunate reality of life that toxins are constantly building up in our bodies (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) Usually my writing is very over the top and bombastic and very, like, ‘I’m amazing! Look at me!’ (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) I attended an evangelical Christian university on the outskirts of suburban Los Angeles and by the time of my graduation was neither evangelical nor Christian (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) I love ‘Jane Eyre,’ and I love the Bronte sisters. I actually didn’t read any of them until I was in college, so I don’t have quite the same connection with them that I think a lot of women do (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) I think female solitude is a mental condition as well as a physical state. You can be married and a spinster. I think spinster is an identity every woman can claim, if she will... I feel like a lot of women, or a lot of feminists, joke about taking to the sea or living alone in a cottage as this kind of fun freedom (Mallory Ortberg Quotes)

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