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Mitch Hedberg Quotes

I wish I could play little league now. I’d be way better than before Picture Quote #1

What am I drinking? NyQuil on the rocks, for when you’re feeling sick but sociable Picture Quote #1

Here’s a thought for sweat shop owners: Air Conditioning. Problem solved Picture Quote #1

I had the cab driver drive me here backwards, and the dude owed me $27.50 Picture Quote #1

I type a 101 words a minute. But it’s in my own language Picture Quote #1

Then let’s print up some flyers! Picture Quote #1

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An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs Picture Quote #1

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer Picture Quote #1

Bologna is a deli meat for people with eyes Picture Quote #1

Dogs are forever in the push up postion Picture Quote #1

Every book is a children’s book if the kid can read! Picture Quote #1

I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle Picture Quote #1

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I haven’t slept for ten days, because that would be too long Picture Quote #1

I remixed a remix, it was back to normal Picture Quote #1

I saw a human pyramid once. It was very unnecessary Picture Quote #1

I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs Picture Quote #1

I’m against picketing, but I don’t know how to show it Picture Quote #1

If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn’t type any slower Picture Quote #1

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A burrito is a sleeping bag for ground beef Picture Quote #1

I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too Picture Quote #1

Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps Picture Quote #1

Alcoholism is the only disease that you can get yelled at for having Picture Quote #1

No, I was just good at holding ice cream cones Picture Quote #1

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap Picture Quote #1

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All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me Picture Quote #1

Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults Picture Quote #1

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle Picture Quote #1

I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down Picture Quote #1

If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work Picture Quote #1

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

I wish I could play little league now. I’d be way better than before. (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) What am I drinking? NyQuil on the rocks, for when you’re feeling sick but sociable (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) Here’s a thought for sweat shop owners: Air Conditioning. Problem solved (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I had the cab driver drive me here backwards, and the dude owed me $27.50 (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I type a 101 words a minute. But it’s in my own language (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) Then let’s print up some flyers! (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) Bologna is a deli meat for people with eyes (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) Dogs are forever in the push up postion (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) Every book is a children’s book if the kid can read! (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I haven’t slept for ten days, because that would be too long (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I remixed a remix, it was back to normal (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I saw a human pyramid once. It was very unnecessary (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I’m against picketing, but I don’t know how to show it (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn’t type any slower (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) A burrito is a sleeping bag for ground beef (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) Alcoholism is the only disease that you can get yelled at for having (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) No, I was just good at holding ice cream cones (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them (Mitch Hedberg Quotes)

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