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P J ORourke Quotes
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Women are successful in the business world because the business world was created by men. Men are babies. And women areGood With Kids (P J ORourke Quotes)
The poor of the world cannot be made rich by the redistribution of wealth. Poverty can’t be eliminated by punishing people who’ve escaped poverty, taking their money and giving it as a reward to people who have failed to escape (P J ORourke Quotes)
When a couple decides to divorce, they should inform both sets of parents before having a party and telling all their friends. This is not only courteous but practical. Parents may be very willing to pitch in with comments, criticism, and malicious gossip of their own to help the divorce along (P J ORourke Quotes)
Don’t send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals when their cheery effect is needed (P J ORourke Quotes)
If I give up drinking, smoking, and fatty foods, I can add ten years to my life. Trouble is, I’ll add it to the wrong end (P J ORourke Quotes)
That doesn’t mean that you should just sit back and just let accidents happen to you. No, you have to go out and cause them yourself. That way you’re in control of the situation (P J ORourke Quotes)
This is the most elaborate and luxurious method of convincing others that you can cook. Take everybody out on your yacht until they’re green in the face. Then you can rave for weeks about your sauce marinara and no one will gainsay you (P J ORourke Quotes)
I don’t think I’ll ever be a real boat reporter. My Rolex isn’t big enough (P J ORourke Quotes)
Generally it’s not a good idea to wear Banana Republic - type khaki journalist clothes in a war zone. You might look too much like something that’s supposed to be shot, such as a journalist (P J ORourke Quotes)
There was an austerely dignified award ceremony. By that I mean we had to buy our own drinks - in clear violation of the international journalists’code of truth, fairness and an open bar (P J ORourke Quotes)
Government does not cause affluence. Citizens of totalitarian countries have plenty of government and nothing of anything else (P J ORourke Quotes)
Politics doesn’t work. Look at the parts of America where government has had the most power, where government has spent the most money. Look at the housing projects we’ve got the poor people in (P J ORourke Quotes)
The wonder is that communism lasted so long. But then again, modern poetry lasted a long time, too (P J ORourke Quotes)
In the Third World, honk your horn only under the following circumstances: 1. When anything blocks the road. 2. When anything doesn’t. 3. When anything might. 4. At red lights. 5. At green lights. 6. At all other times (P J ORourke Quotes)
Something is worth what somebody will pay for it. Nothing else, nothing more, nothing less (P J ORourke Quotes)
Modern air travel means less time spent in transit. That time is now spent in transit lounges (P J ORourke Quotes)
America is not a wily, sneaky nation. We don’t think that way. We don’t think much at all, thank God. Start thinking and pretty soon you get ideas, and then you get idealism, and the next thing you know you’ve got ideology, with millions dead in concentration camps and gulags (P J ORourke Quotes)
Passover is my idea of a perfect holiday. Dear God, when you’re handing out plagues of darkness, locusts, hail, boils, flies, lice, frogs, and cattle murrain, and turning the Nile to blood, and smiting firstborn, give me a pass, and tell me when it’s over (P J ORourke Quotes)
There are artists with palettes and easels selling the kind of modern art that Soviet art critics used to critique with bulldozers. Judging by the paintings I saw, the Soviets were right the first time (P J ORourke Quotes)
The commies are the only people on earth who think Star Wars will work. If they’re that gullible, maybe we should have held the summit at Atlantic City and let them lose all their missiles playing Keno (P J ORourke Quotes)
Abstract anger is great for rhetorical carrying on. You can go on endlessly about the post office, but it doesn’t mean you’re mad at your mailman (P J ORourke Quotes)
In theory, taxes should be like shopping. What I buy is government services. What I pay are my taxes (P J ORourke Quotes)
Politics is the business of getting power and privilege without possessing merit (P J ORourke Quotes)
Happy hour is slightly different in the Soviet Union. There are no ice cubes or orange-peel twists in the vodka. Also, it lasts all day (P J ORourke Quotes)
In the American political system, you’re only allowed to have real ideas if it’s absolutely guaranteed that you can’t win an election (P J ORourke Quotes)
The people I see on bicycles look like organic-gardening zealots who advocate federal regulation of bedtime and want American foreign policy to be dictated by UNICEF. These people should be confined (P J ORourke Quotes)
I am no stranger to loud music. I’ve been to a Mitch Ryder and the Detroit Wheels concert. I once dated a woman with two kids (P J ORourke Quotes)
The problem isn’t a Congress that won’t cut spending or a president who won’t raise taxes. The problem is an American public with a bottomless sense of entitlement to federal money (P J ORourke Quotes)
It is a law of governance that democracies have to spend themselves dizzy. Citizens of democracies can, after all, tell their government to give them things (P J ORourke Quotes)
If we do our deficit spending on weapons, at least we get weapons. Then if we need weapons, we have them. If we don’t need them, no harm is done (P J ORourke Quotes)