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Paula Poundstone Quotes

You know, in politics when you come in third, it’s a win Picture Quote #1

I hate it when my hair is engaged in unauthorized activities Picture Quote #1

I also like a great Caesar salad with anchovies, although I don’t know why some places say ‘with anchovies.’ If you’re making a proper Caesar salad, it’s going to have anchovies Picture Quote #1

My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, ‘Mom, they weren’t trying to teach you how to swim.’ Picture Quote #1

I was born in Alabama, but I only lived there for a month before I’d done everything there was to do Picture Quote #1

The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer Picture Quote #1

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I’ll probably never have children because I don’t believe in touching people for any reason Picture Quote #1

I have short-term memory loss, though I’d like to think of it as Persidential eligibility Picture Quote #1

The position of First Lady has no rules, just precedent, so its evolution has been at a virtual standstill for years. If Martha Washington didn’t do it, then no one is sure it should be done Picture Quote #1

I’m really more prolific than most stand-ups. My act changes. I do fold in new experiences, new observations, whatever you want to call it Picture Quote #1

It’s funny that we think of libraries as quiet demure places where we are shushed by dusty, bun-balancing, bespectacled women. The truth is libraries are raucous clubhouses for free speech, controversy and community. Librarians have stood up to the Patriot Act, sat down with noisy toddlers and reached out to illiterate adults. Libraries can never be shushed Picture Quote #1

I used to work at The International House of Pancakes. It was a dream, and I made it happen Picture Quote #1

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I think we need a 12-step group for non-stop talkers. We’re going to call it On and On Anon Picture Quote #1

I know a little bit about handicapping. If the horse has an IV, you want to stay - away from it Picture Quote #1

I mean, I do love clever and witty, but I think that the ‘Three Stooges’ were geniuses. They’d have to be for their appeal to have lasted this long Picture Quote #1

I’m thankful for Sarah Palin’s vice presidential bid, which taught us that Alaska is not in a box off the coast of California Picture Quote #1

My parents got carried away with the letter P when they were naming the kids in our family. There’s me, Paula, my sisters Peggy and Patty, and my brother Pjimmy, spelled with a silent P Picture Quote #1

I was court-ordered to Alcoholics Anonymous on television. Pretty much blows the hell out of the second A, wouldn’t you say? Picture Quote #1

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My mom is one of those really angry moms who gets mad at absolutely everything. Once when I was a little kid, I accidentally knocked a Flintstones glass off the kitchen table. She said, ‘Well, dammit, we can’t have nice things.’ Picture Quote #1

I don’t have a bank account because I don’t know my mother’s maiden name and apparently that’s the key to the whole thing right there. I go in every few weeks and guess Picture Quote #1

I have a horrible memory and I used to consider that a liability, but I’ve learned along the way that talking to people is really a beautiful thing Picture Quote #1

President Obama could keep a big map with push pins on it to keep track of how many countries hate us, and when we get down to only half, let’s have a ball. I’ll blow up the balloons myself Picture Quote #1

I was born in Alabama, but I only lived there for a month before I’d done everything there was to do Picture Quote #1

I confess that when I first read that smog is particularly hazardous to children, senior citizens, and physically active people, for a brief moment I thought, I’m in the clear for at least ten years Picture Quote #1

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I’m thankful for Sarah Palin’s vice presidential bid, which taught us that Alaska is not in a box off the coast of California Picture Quote #1

Can you remember when you didn’t want to sleep? Isn’t it inconceivable? I guess the definition of adulthood is that you want to sleep Picture Quote #1

The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it’s just sort of a tired feeling Picture Quote #1

Remember when you were considered an environmentalist when you didn’t throw junk out the car window? I sure do miss that simpler, happier time Picture Quote #1

I only do two things in my life, and that’s take care of my kids and work. Fortunately, these are my favorite things to do, so it works out Picture Quote #1

I used to watch ‘The Waltons’ and sob because my family was nothing like that. We had a cruel sense of humor in my family Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

You know, in politics when you come in third, it’s a win (Paula Poundstone Quotes) I hate it when my hair is engaged in unauthorized activities (Paula Poundstone Quotes) I also like a great Caesar salad with anchovies, although I don’t know why some places say ‘with anchovies.’ If you’re making a proper Caesar salad, it’s going to have anchovies (Paula Poundstone Quotes) My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, ‘Mom, they weren’t trying to teach you how to swim.’ (Paula Poundstone Quotes) I was born in Alabama, but I only lived there for a month before I’d done everything there was to do (Paula Poundstone Quotes) The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer (Paula Poundstone Quotes) I’ll probably never have children because I don’t believe in touching people for any reason (Paula Poundstone Quotes) I have short-term memory loss, though I’d like to think of it as Persidential eligibility (Paula Poundstone Quotes) The position of First Lady has no rules, just precedent, so its evolution has been at a virtual standstill for years. If Martha Washington didn’t do it, then no one is sure it should be done (Paula Poundstone Quotes) I’m really more prolific than most stand-ups. My act changes. I do fold in new experiences, new observations, whatever you want to call it (Paula Poundstone Quotes) It’s funny that we think of libraries as quiet demure places where we are shushed by dusty, bun-balancing, bespectacled women. The truth is libraries are raucous clubhouses for free speech, controversy and community. Librarians have stood up to the Patriot Act, sat down with noisy toddlers and reached out to illiterate adults. Libraries can never be shushed (Paula Poundstone Quotes) I used to work at The International House of Pancakes. It was a dream, and I made it happen (Paula Poundstone Quotes) I think we need a 12-step group for non-stop talkers. We’re going to call it On and On Anon (Paula Poundstone Quotes) I know a little bit about handicapping. If the horse has an IV, you want to stay - away from it (Paula Poundstone Quotes) I mean, I do love clever and witty, but I think that the ‘Three Stooges’ were geniuses. They’d have to be for their appeal to have lasted this long (Paula Poundstone Quotes) I’m thankful for Sarah Palin’s vice presidential bid, which taught us that Alaska is not in a box off the coast of California (Paula Poundstone Quotes) My parents got carried away with the letter P when they were naming the kids in our family. There’s me, Paula, my sisters Peggy and Patty, and my brother Pjimmy, spelled with a silent P (Paula Poundstone Quotes) I was court-ordered to Alcoholics Anonymous on television. Pretty much blows the hell out of the second A, wouldn’t you say? (Paula Poundstone Quotes) My mom is one of those really angry moms who gets mad at absolutely everything. Once when I was a little kid, I accidentally knocked a Flintstones glass off the kitchen table. She said, ‘Well, dammit, we can’t have nice things.’ (Paula Poundstone Quotes) I don’t have a bank account because I don’t know my mother’s maiden name and apparently that’s the key to the whole thing right there. I go in every few weeks and guess. (Paula Poundstone Quotes) I have a horrible memory and I used to consider that a liability, but I’ve learned along the way that talking to people is really a beautiful thing. (Paula Poundstone Quotes) President Obama could keep a big map with push pins on it to keep track of how many countries hate us, and when we get down to only half, let’s have a ball. I’ll blow up the balloons myself. (Paula Poundstone Quotes) I was born in Alabama, but I only lived there for a month before I’d done everything there was to do. (Paula Poundstone Quotes) I confess that when I first read that smog is particularly hazardous to children, senior citizens, and physically active people, for a brief moment I thought, I’m in the clear for at least ten years. (Paula Poundstone Quotes) I’m thankful for Sarah Palin’s vice presidential bid, which taught us that Alaska is not in a box off the coast of California. (Paula Poundstone Quotes) Can you remember when you didn’t want to sleep? Isn’t it inconceivable? I guess the definition of adulthood is that you want to sleep. (Paula Poundstone Quotes) The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it’s just sort of a tired feeling. (Paula Poundstone Quotes) Remember when you were considered an environmentalist when you didn’t throw junk out the car window? I sure do miss that simpler, happier time. (Paula Poundstone Quotes) I only do two things in my life, and that’s take care of my kids and work. Fortunately, these are my favorite things to do, so it works out. (Paula Poundstone Quotes) I used to watch ‘The Waltons’ and sob because my family was nothing like that. We had a cruel sense of humor in my family (Paula Poundstone Quotes)

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