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Rita Rudner Quotes

Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax Picture Quote #1

I did six Broadway shows, and I noticed there weren’t many female comedians. When I went to a dancing audition, there were 1,000 girls. And there were three jobs. So I said I’ll just try comedy. And I loved it Picture Quote #1

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn’t want him to Picture Quote #1

I was going with someone for a few years, but we broke up. It was one of those things. He wanted to get married, and I didn’t want him to Picture Quote #1

I get a lot of return business. I think it’s all those years I put in traveling around the country; people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again Picture Quote #1

Impulse buying is not macho. Men rarely call the Home Shopping Network Picture Quote #1

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My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can’t decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives Picture Quote #1

Most women are introspective: Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled? Most men are outrospective: Did my team win? How’s my car? Picture Quote #1

No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant Picture Quote #1

I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes Picture Quote #1

I can see close up and my husband can see far away, so we’re covered. He tells me who’s in the movie and I tell him what’s in his sandwich. Together we’re human bifocals Picture Quote #1

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor’s office was full of portraits by Picasso Picture Quote #1

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I don’t do Jewish stuff because I don’t want people to be left out. If I mention the Torah in Alabama, it’s not going to go down that well. I used to do some Jewish jokes because when I started, I used to play lots of Jewish country clubs Picture Quote #1

I hate learning through experience. Just once I’d like to learn something because someone was nice enough to tell me in advance Picture Quote #1

Before I met my husband, I’d never fallen in love. I’d stepped in it a few times Picture Quote #1

I get so happy when I write a joke. It’s a very satisfying, liberating feeling Picture Quote #1

The logic was, there weren’t too many female comedians, so I thought I might as well try a field that had fewer competitors than the field I was in, which was acting, singing and dancing Picture Quote #1

Men forget everything; women remember everything. That’s why men need instant replay in sports. They’ve already forgotten what’s happened Picture Quote #1

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I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I’m lying Picture Quote #1

If it’s attention you want, don’t get involved with a man during play-off season Picture Quote #1

If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words ‘we need to talk about our relationship’ may help Picture Quote #1

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That’s how rich I want to be Picture Quote #1

I have a hold limit that I’ve set for myself. I hold until I start to imagine myself killing the person on the other end. Then I hang up and regroup Picture Quote #1

I have to visualise my jokes, live my jokes, feel the audience because every audience is different. It’s like having a different dancing partner every night Picture Quote #1

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I have no organisational skills. All my energy goes into worry - worrying takes a lot of energy Picture Quote #1

Have children while your parents are still young enough to take care of them Picture Quote #1

Men who drink herbal teas are seldom serial killers Picture Quote #1

Men don’t get cellulite. God might just be a man Picture Quote #1

Men in high levels of government seldom surf Picture Quote #1

Most of the men sitting in first class on an airplane have really boring jobs Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax (Rita Rudner Quotes) I did six Broadway shows, and I noticed there weren’t many female comedians. When I went to a dancing audition, there were 1,000 girls. And there were three jobs. So I said I’ll just try comedy. And I loved it. (Rita Rudner Quotes) My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn’t want him to. (Rita Rudner Quotes) I was going with someone for a few years, but we broke up. It was one of those things. He wanted to get married, and I didn’t want him to. (Rita Rudner Quotes) I get a lot of return business. I think it’s all those years I put in traveling around the country; people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again. (Rita Rudner Quotes) Impulse buying is not macho. Men rarely call the Home Shopping Network. (Rita Rudner Quotes) My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can’t decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. (Rita Rudner Quotes) Most women are introspective: Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled? Most men are outrospective: Did my team win? How’s my car? (Rita Rudner Quotes) No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant. (Rita Rudner Quotes) I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes. (Rita Rudner Quotes) I can see close up and my husband can see far away, so we’re covered. He tells me who’s in the movie and I tell him what’s in his sandwich. Together we’re human bifocals. (Rita Rudner Quotes) I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor’s office was full of portraits by Picasso. (Rita Rudner Quotes) I don’t do Jewish stuff because I don’t want people to be left out. If I mention the Torah in Alabama, it’s not going to go down that well. I used to do some Jewish jokes because when I started, I used to play lots of Jewish country clubs. (Rita Rudner Quotes) I hate learning through experience. Just once I’d like to learn something because someone was nice enough to tell me in advance. (Rita Rudner Quotes) Before I met my husband, I’d never fallen in love. I’d stepped in it a few times. (Rita Rudner Quotes) I get so happy when I write a joke. It’s a very satisfying, liberating feeling. (Rita Rudner Quotes) The logic was, there weren’t too many female comedians, so I thought I might as well try a field that had fewer competitors than the field I was in, which was acting, singing and dancing. (Rita Rudner Quotes) Men forget everything; women remember everything. That’s why men need instant replay in sports. They’ve already forgotten what’s happened. (Rita Rudner Quotes) I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I’m lying. (Rita Rudner Quotes) If it’s attention you want, don’t get involved with a man during play-off season (Rita Rudner Quotes) If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words ‘we need to talk about our relationship’ may help. (Rita Rudner Quotes) Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That’s how rich I want to be. (Rita Rudner Quotes) I have a hold limit that I’ve set for myself. I hold until I start to imagine myself killing the person on the other end. Then I hang up and regroup. (Rita Rudner Quotes) I have to visualise my jokes, live my jokes, feel the audience because every audience is different. It’s like having a different dancing partner every night. (Rita Rudner Quotes) I have no organisational skills. All my energy goes into worry - worrying takes a lot of energy. (Rita Rudner Quotes) Have children while your parents are still young enough to take care of them (Rita Rudner Quotes) Men who drink herbal teas are seldom serial killers (Rita Rudner Quotes) Men don’t get cellulite. God might just be a man (Rita Rudner Quotes) Men in high levels of government seldom surf (Rita Rudner Quotes) Most of the men sitting in first class on an airplane have really boring jobs (Rita Rudner Quotes)

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