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Rita Rudner Quotes

Don’t try to teach men how to do anything in public. They can learn in private; in public they have to know Picture Quote #1

Commitment is different in males and females. In females it is a desire to get married and raise a family. In males it means not picking up other women while out with one’s girlfriend Picture Quote #1

Individuality in dressing is not important to men. If they all look alike it means they haven’t made a mistake Picture Quote #1

My cousin just got married for the totally wrong reasons. She married a man for money. She wasn’t real subtle about it. Instead of calling him her fiancé, she kept calling him her financee Picture Quote #1

If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious Picture Quote #1

If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, for the first few weeks he has it, lock the door when you go to the bathroom. Most of my husband’s early films end with a scream and a flush Picture Quote #1

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I adore being hitched. It’s so extraordinary to discover one unique individual you need to irritate for whatever remains of your life Picture Quote #1

I hate learning through experience. Just once I’d like to learn something because someone was nice enough to tell me in advance Picture Quote #1

After you’ve dated someone it should be legal to stamp them with what’s wrong with them so the next person doesn’t have to start from scratch Picture Quote #1

Blondes have more fun, don’t they? They must. How many brunettes do you see walking down the street with blond roots? Picture Quote #1

A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won’t get a bikini wax Picture Quote #1

I get a lot of return business. I think it’s all those years I put in traveling around the country; people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again Picture Quote #1

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I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours Picture Quote #1

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in Picture Quote #1

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can’t decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives Picture Quote #1

Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it’s quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid Picture Quote #1

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That’s how rich I want to be Picture Quote #1

There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better Picture Quote #1

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I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn’t mine Picture Quote #1

I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them Picture Quote #1

It wasn’t that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was Picture Quote #1

Marriages don’t last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with? Picture Quote #1

Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother’s tasted better the day before Picture Quote #1

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn’t want him to Picture Quote #1

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The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him Picture Quote #1

They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it’s very busy, when they have one Picture Quote #1

Buying something on sale is a very special feeling. In fact, the less I pay for something, the more it is worth to me Picture Quote #1

I don’t like when there’s too much conversation because I’m shy and it makes me uncomfortable Picture Quote #1

I don’t want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I’ll just make you laugh Picture Quote #1

I’m a very simple person. I’m very shallow. Shallow, simple, easily pleased: that’s me Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

Don’t try to teach men how to do anything in public. They can learn in private; in public they have to know (Rita Rudner Quotes) Commitment is different in males and females. In females it is a desire to get married and raise a family. In males it means not picking up other women while out with one’s girlfriend (Rita Rudner Quotes) Individuality in dressing is not important to men. If they all look alike it means they haven’t made a mistake (Rita Rudner Quotes) My cousin just got married for the totally wrong reasons. She married a man for money. She wasn’t real subtle about it. Instead of calling him her fiancé, she kept calling him her financee (Rita Rudner Quotes) If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious (Rita Rudner Quotes) If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, for the first few weeks he has it, lock the door when you go to the bathroom. Most of my husband’s early films end with a scream and a flush (Rita Rudner Quotes) I adore being hitched. It’s so extraordinary to discover one unique individual you need to irritate for whatever remains of your life (Rita Rudner Quotes) I hate learning through experience. Just once I’d like to learn something because someone was nice enough to tell me in advance (Rita Rudner Quotes) After you’ve dated someone it should be legal to stamp them with what’s wrong with them so the next person doesn’t have to start from scratch (Rita Rudner Quotes) Blondes have more fun, don’t they? They must. How many brunettes do you see walking down the street with blond roots? (Rita Rudner Quotes) A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won’t get a bikini wax (Rita Rudner Quotes) I get a lot of return business. I think it’s all those years I put in traveling around the country; people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again (Rita Rudner Quotes) I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours (Rita Rudner Quotes) Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in (Rita Rudner Quotes) My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can’t decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives (Rita Rudner Quotes) Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it’s quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid (Rita Rudner Quotes) Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That’s how rich I want to be (Rita Rudner Quotes) There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better (Rita Rudner Quotes) I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn’t mine (Rita Rudner Quotes) I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them (Rita Rudner Quotes) It wasn’t that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was (Rita Rudner Quotes) Marriages don’t last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with? (Rita Rudner Quotes) Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother’s tasted better the day before (Rita Rudner Quotes) My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn’t want him to (Rita Rudner Quotes) The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him (Rita Rudner Quotes) They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it’s very busy, when they have one (Rita Rudner Quotes) Buying something on sale is a very special feeling. In fact, the less I pay for something, the more it is worth to me (Rita Rudner Quotes) I don’t like when there’s too much conversation because I’m shy and it makes me uncomfortable (Rita Rudner Quotes) I don’t want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I’ll just make you laugh (Rita Rudner Quotes) I’m a very simple person. I’m very shallow. Shallow, simple, easily pleased: that’s me (Rita Rudner Quotes)

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