|

|

Advertisements

Rita Rudner Quotes

I get so happy when I write a joke. It’s a very satisfying, liberating feeling Picture Quote #1

The logic was, there weren’t too many female comedians, so I thought I might as well try a field that had fewer competitors than the field I was in, which was acting, singing and dancing Picture Quote #1

When you’re a dancer, you start with the basics. You don’t all of a sudden do a grand jete and pirouette. You start with first position, second, third Picture Quote #1

I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I’ve gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater leaped right off my body Picture Quote #1

I love to sleep. Do you? Isn’t it great? It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious Picture Quote #1

How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue... and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go? Picture Quote #1

Advertisements

I had the most boring office job in the world... I used to clean the windows on envelopes Picture Quote #1

Men forget everything; women remember everything. That’s why men need instant replay in sports. They’ve already forgotten what’s happened Picture Quote #1

A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe Picture Quote #1

I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn’t mine Picture Quote #1

You know it’s love when you want to keep holding hands even after you’re sweaty Picture Quote #1

Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn’t admit he’d forgotten the code... he turned himself in Picture Quote #1

Advertisements

The older theory was, marry an older man because they’re more mature. But the new theory is men don’t mature. Marry a younger one Picture Quote #1

I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn’t notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I’m letting him keep it. I’m saving money! Picture Quote #1

When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each other Picture Quote #1

When men break up they want to remain friends. Why? Why can’t they just get lost? Picture Quote #1

I was going with someone for a few years, but we broke up. It was one of those things. He wanted to get married, and I didn’t want him to Picture Quote #1

I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I’m lying Picture Quote #1

Advertisements

Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore Picture Quote #1

You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don’t think there’s really any oxygen. I think they’re just to muffle the screams Picture Quote #1

I have been doing leg lifts faithfully for about fifteen years, and the only thing that has gotten thinner is the carpet where I have been doing the leg lifts Picture Quote #1

Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible; in a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle Picture Quote #1

It takes six months to get into shape and two weeks to get out of shape. Once you know this you can stop being angry about other things in life and only be angry about this Picture Quote #1

My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they’re really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him Picture Quote #1

Advertisements

I love being married, I do. It’s so great to find that one special person that you want to annoy for the rest of your life Picture Quote #1

Nobody is really happy with what’s on their head. People with straight hair want curly, people with curly want straight, and bald people want everyone to be blind Picture Quote #1

Men forget everything; women remember everything. That’s why men need instant replays in sports. They’ve already forgotten what happened Picture Quote #1

1 - 2 3 4 5 6 7

Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

Advertisements

Text Quotes

I get so happy when I write a joke. It’s a very satisfying, liberating feeling (Rita Rudner Quotes) The logic was, there weren’t too many female comedians, so I thought I might as well try a field that had fewer competitors than the field I was in, which was acting, singing and dancing (Rita Rudner Quotes) When you’re a dancer, you start with the basics. You don’t all of a sudden do a grand jete and pirouette. You start with first position, second, third (Rita Rudner Quotes) I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I’ve gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater leaped right off my body (Rita Rudner Quotes) I love to sleep. Do you? Isn’t it great? It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious (Rita Rudner Quotes) How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue... and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go? (Rita Rudner Quotes) I had the most boring office job in the world... I used to clean the windows on envelopes (Rita Rudner Quotes) Men forget everything; women remember everything. That’s why men need instant replay in sports. They’ve already forgotten what’s happened (Rita Rudner Quotes) A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe (Rita Rudner Quotes) I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn’t mine (Rita Rudner Quotes) You know it’s love when you want to keep holding hands even after you’re sweaty (Rita Rudner Quotes) Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn’t admit he’d forgotten the code... he turned himself in (Rita Rudner Quotes) The older theory was, marry an older man because they’re more mature. But the new theory is men don’t mature. Marry a younger one (Rita Rudner Quotes) I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn’t notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I’m letting him keep it. I’m saving money! (Rita Rudner Quotes) When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each other (Rita Rudner Quotes) When men break up they want to remain friends. Why? Why can’t they just get lost? (Rita Rudner Quotes) I was going with someone for a few years, but we broke up. It was one of those things. He wanted to get married, and I didn’t want him to (Rita Rudner Quotes) I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I’m lying (Rita Rudner Quotes) Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore (Rita Rudner Quotes) You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don’t think there’s really any oxygen. I think they’re just to muffle the screams (Rita Rudner Quotes) I have been doing leg lifts faithfully for about fifteen years, and the only thing that has gotten thinner is the carpet where I have been doing the leg lifts (Rita Rudner Quotes) Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible; in a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle (Rita Rudner Quotes) It takes six months to get into shape and two weeks to get out of shape. Once you know this you can stop being angry about other things in life and only be angry about this (Rita Rudner Quotes) My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they’re really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him (Rita Rudner Quotes) I love being married, I do. It’s so great to find that one special person that you want to annoy for the rest of your life (Rita Rudner Quotes) Nobody is really happy with what’s on their head. People with straight hair want curly, people with curly want straight, and bald people want everyone to be blind (Rita Rudner Quotes) Men forget everything; women remember everything. That’s why men need instant replays in sports. They’ve already forgotten what happened (Rita Rudner Quotes)

1 - 2 3 4 5 6 7