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Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again Picture Quote #1

I live in a tough neighborhood. They got a children's zoo. Last week, four kids escaped Picture Quote #1

I was an ugly kid. I worked in a pet store. People kept asking how big I get Picture Quote #1

I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them Picture Quote #1

I tell ya, my wife likes to talk during sex. Last night, she called me from a motel Picture Quote #1

When I got back into show business in 1961, I felt - for obvious reasons - that nothing in my life went right, and I realized that millions of people felt the same way. So when I first came back my catch phrase was nothing goes right. Early on, that was my setup for a lot of jokes Picture Quote #1

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I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio Picture Quote #1

My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat Picture Quote #1

I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no Picture Quote #1

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror Picture Quote #1

When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back Picture Quote #1

In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window Picture Quote #1

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I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks Picture Quote #1

My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away Picture Quote #1

I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone Picture Quote #1

I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to Picture Quote #1

Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance Picture Quote #1

I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor; they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark... ' Picture Quote #1

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I tell ya, I was an ugly kid. I was so ugly that my dad kept the kid's picture that came with the wallet he bought Picture Quote #1

I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar Picture Quote #1

I told my doctor,

Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?' Picture Quote #1

When I was born... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father... I'm very sorry. We did everything we could... but he pulled through Picture Quote #1

It would be great if people never got angry at someone for doing something they've done themselves Picture Quote #1

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Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it Picture Quote #1

My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely Picture Quote #1

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back Picture Quote #1

I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens Picture Quote #1

I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west Picture Quote #1

They say love thy neighbor as thy self, what am I supposed to do jerk him off too? Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I live in a tough neighborhood. They got a children's zoo. Last week, four kids escaped (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I was an ugly kid. I worked in a pet store. People kept asking how big I get (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I tell ya, my wife likes to talk during sex. Last night, she called me from a motel (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) When I got back into show business in 1961, I felt - for obvious reasons - that nothing in my life went right, and I realized that millions of people felt the same way. So when I first came back my catch phrase was nothing goes right. Early on, that was my setup for a lot of jokes (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor; they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark... ' (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I tell ya, I was an ugly kid. I was so ugly that my dad kept the kid's picture that came with the wallet he bought (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I told my doctor, "I've swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills" and he told me to have a few drinks and get some rest (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?' (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) When I was born... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father... I'm very sorry. We did everything we could... but he pulled through (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) It would be great if people never got angry at someone for doing something they've done themselves (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) They say love thy neighbor as thy self, what am I supposed to do jerk him off too? (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes)

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