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Scott Adams Quotes

You don't have to be a

Men live in a fantasy world. I know this because I am one, and I actually receive my mail there Picture Quote #1

The best way to compile inaccurate information that no one wants is to make it up Picture Quote #1

Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant Picture Quote #1

Men want sex. If men ruled the world, they could get sex anywhere, anytime. Restaurants would give you sex instead of breath mints on the way out. Gas stations would give sex with every fill-up. Banks would give sex to anyone who opened a checking account Picture Quote #1

Your Business clothes are naturally attracted to staining liquids. This attraction is strongest just before an important meeting Picture Quote #1

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As network administrator I can take down the network with one keystroke. It's just like being a doctor but without getting gooky stuff on my paws Picture Quote #1

And bring me a hard copy of the Internet so I can do some serious surfing Picture Quote #1

I calculated the total time that humans have waited for web pages to load. It cancels out all the productivity gains of the information age. Sometimes I think the web is a big plot to keep people like me away from normal society Picture Quote #1

These days it seems like any idiot with a laptop computer can churn out a business book and make a few bucks. That's certainly what I'm hoping. It would be a real letdown if the trend changed before this masterpiece goes to print Picture Quote #1

Every generation of humans believed it had all the answers it needed, except for a few mysteries they assumed would be solved at any moment. And they all believed their ancestors were simplistic and deluded. What are the odds that you are the first generation of humans who will understand reality? Picture Quote #1

There's a gigantic gray area between good moral behavior and outright felonious activities. I call that the Weasel Zone and it's where most of life happens Picture Quote #1

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They say that dogs lick their own genitalia because they can. But I think it's at least partially because they don't have the Internet Picture Quote #1

The world isn't fair, but as long as it's tilting in my direction I find that there's a natural cap to my righteous indignation Picture Quote #1

As you know, the best way to solve a problem is to identify the core belief that causes the problem; then mock that belief until the people who hold it insist that you heard them wrong Picture Quote #1

If there is one thing that our role models in this election have taught us, it's that omitting important information is completely different from lying Picture Quote #1

Just because no one has ever gotten better from Spasmodic Dysphonia before doesn't mean I can't be the first Picture Quote #1

There's nothing more humbling than seeing your best quotes in a list, and thinking they could have been written by a coma patient with a keyboard and spasms Picture Quote #1

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Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic spoon in the yogurt Picture Quote #1

The basic concept of the Dilbert Principle is that the most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management Picture Quote #1

I'm slowly becoming a convert to the principle that you can't motivate people to do things, you can only demotivate them. The primary job of the manager is not to empower but to remove obstacles Picture Quote #1

Methods for predicting the future: 1) read horoscopes, tea leaves, tarot cards, or crystal balls... Collectively known as nutty methods; 2) put well-researched facts into sophisticated computer... Commonly referred to as a complete waste of time Picture Quote #1

In Japan, employees occasionally work themselves to death. It's called Karoshi. I don't want that to happen to anybody in my department. The trick is to take a break as soon as you hear a bright light and hear dead relatives beckon Picture Quote #1

Few things in life are less efficient than a group of people trying to write a sentence. The advantage of this method is that you end up with something for which you will not be personally blamed Picture Quote #1

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Never base your budget requests on realistic assumptions, as this could lead to a decrease in your funding Picture Quote #1

It is better for your career to do nothing, than to do something and attract criticism Picture Quote #1

When life gives you lemons... choke on them and die... you stupid lemon eater Picture Quote #1

Intelligence is a measure of how well you function within your level of awareness Picture Quote #1

Man is a game playing animal and a computer is another way to play games Picture Quote #1

I hated my work. It never seemed to me to be what I should be doing Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

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Text Quotes

You don't have to be a "person of influence" to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they've taught me (Scott Adams Quotes) Men live in a fantasy world. I know this because I am one, and I actually receive my mail there (Scott Adams Quotes) The best way to compile inaccurate information that no one wants is to make it up (Scott Adams Quotes) Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant (Scott Adams Quotes) Men want sex. If men ruled the world, they could get sex anywhere, anytime. Restaurants would give you sex instead of breath mints on the way out. Gas stations would give sex with every fill-up. Banks would give sex to anyone who opened a checking account (Scott Adams Quotes) Your Business clothes are naturally attracted to staining liquids. This attraction is strongest just before an important meeting (Scott Adams Quotes) As network administrator I can take down the network with one keystroke. It's just like being a doctor but without getting gooky stuff on my paws (Scott Adams Quotes) And bring me a hard copy of the Internet so I can do some serious surfing (Scott Adams Quotes) I calculated the total time that humans have waited for web pages to load. It cancels out all the productivity gains of the information age. Sometimes I think the web is a big plot to keep people like me away from normal society (Scott Adams Quotes) These days it seems like any idiot with a laptop computer can churn out a business book and make a few bucks. That's certainly what I'm hoping. It would be a real letdown if the trend changed before this masterpiece goes to print (Scott Adams Quotes) Every generation of humans believed it had all the answers it needed, except for a few mysteries they assumed would be solved at any moment. And they all believed their ancestors were simplistic and deluded. What are the odds that you are the first generation of humans who will understand reality? (Scott Adams Quotes) There's a gigantic gray area between good moral behavior and outright felonious activities. I call that the Weasel Zone and it's where most of life happens (Scott Adams Quotes) They say that dogs lick their own genitalia because they can. But I think it's at least partially because they don't have the Internet (Scott Adams Quotes) The world isn't fair, but as long as it's tilting in my direction I find that there's a natural cap to my righteous indignation (Scott Adams Quotes) As you know, the best way to solve a problem is to identify the core belief that causes the problem; then mock that belief until the people who hold it insist that you heard them wrong (Scott Adams Quotes) If there is one thing that our role models in this election have taught us, it's that omitting important information is completely different from lying (Scott Adams Quotes) Just because no one has ever gotten better from Spasmodic Dysphonia before doesn't mean I can't be the first (Scott Adams Quotes) There's nothing more humbling than seeing your best quotes in a list, and thinking they could have been written by a coma patient with a keyboard and spasms (Scott Adams Quotes) Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic spoon in the yogurt (Scott Adams Quotes) The basic concept of the Dilbert Principle is that the most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management (Scott Adams Quotes) I'm slowly becoming a convert to the principle that you can't motivate people to do things, you can only demotivate them. The primary job of the manager is not to empower but to remove obstacles (Scott Adams Quotes) Methods for predicting the future: 1) read horoscopes, tea leaves, tarot cards, or crystal balls... Collectively known as nutty methods; 2) put well-researched facts into sophisticated computer... Commonly referred to as a complete waste of time (Scott Adams Quotes) In Japan, employees occasionally work themselves to death. It's called Karoshi. I don't want that to happen to anybody in my department. The trick is to take a break as soon as you hear a bright light and hear dead relatives beckon (Scott Adams Quotes) Few things in life are less efficient than a group of people trying to write a sentence. The advantage of this method is that you end up with something for which you will not be personally blamed (Scott Adams Quotes) Never base your budget requests on realistic assumptions, as this could lead to a decrease in your funding (Scott Adams Quotes) It is better for your career to do nothing, than to do something and attract criticism (Scott Adams Quotes) When life gives you lemons... choke on them and die... you stupid lemon eater (Scott Adams Quotes) Intelligence is a measure of how well you function within your level of awareness (Scott Adams Quotes) Man is a game playing animal and a computer is another way to play games (Scott Adams Quotes) I hated my work. It never seemed to me to be what I should be doing (Scott Adams Quotes)

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