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Stephen Colbert Quotes

If poor people want food stamps, they should become massive corporations Picture Quote #1

While skin and race are often synonymous, skin cleansing is good, race cleansing is bad Picture Quote #1

If I had a dime for everytime that I was wrong, I’d be broke Picture Quote #1

I love the truth. It’s the facts I’m not a fan of Picture Quote #1

The pen is mightier than the sword, if you shoot that pen out of a gun Picture Quote #1

Make no mistake - they're coming for our guns. And we freedom-loving gun lovers are totally defenseless! Other than, you know, the guns Picture Quote #1

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Nothing reassures parents more than surrounding their kids with the kind of guys who have a lot of weapons and nothing to do on weekdays Picture Quote #1

I used to write things for friends. There was this girl I had a crush on, and she had a teacher she didn't like at school. I had a real crush on her, so almost every day I would write her a little short story where she would kill him in a different way Picture Quote #1

No, my mom kind of led me toward acting. She wanted to be an actress when she was younger. That made me interested in it when I was a kid, because she and I are very close Picture Quote #1

I wrote things for the school's newspaper, and - like all teenagers - I dabbled in poetry Picture Quote #1

Love means never having to say you’re sorry. That’s why I never apologize to my mirror Picture Quote #1

I know that the pope’s infallible, but that doesn’t mean he can’t make mistakes Picture Quote #1

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I’ve said it before: equations are the devil’s sentences. The worst one is that quadratic equation, an infernal salad of numbers, letters, and symbols Picture Quote #1

If you imitate someone, you owe them a royalty check. If you emulate them, you don’t. There’s a big difference. Check your lawyer Picture Quote #1

I hadn’t intended to end up there. I meant to be a serious actor with a beard who wore a lot of black and wanted to share his misery with you Picture Quote #1

Global warming isn’t real because I was cold today! Also great news: world hunger is over because I just ate Picture Quote #1

We don’t have to look for what the next thing will be. If experience is any judge, it’ll come flowing toward us like a river Picture Quote #1

I’m just very interested in what my guests have to say. You have to be vigilant to stay ignorant Picture Quote #1

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Some people perceive me as an assassin or at least someone who can slip under your guard with a knife. But if you watch what I do, that’s almost never the case. I’m just trying to keep the balloon in the air. It rarely turns into anything combative Picture Quote #1

I have a generally liberal audience, but they will applaud when I nail a liberal lion Picture Quote #1

I suppose fear is like a drug. A little bit isn’t that bad, but you can get addicted to the consumption and distribution of it Picture Quote #1

If you’re injecting fear into other people, then you’re trying to kill their minds. You’re trying to get them to stop thinking Picture Quote #1

I have no interest in behaving or thinking cynically. But it’s an easy trap to be cynical about anything, certainly when you’re talking about politics or the media Picture Quote #1

I believe that people, more often than not, act with the best possible intentions. And when they don’t, that’s funny to me. That’s why comedy ends up seeming cynical, because you’re talking about the gap between what people say and what they do Picture Quote #1

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You seem cynical because you’re always talking about that selfish behavior that’s dressed up as altruism. It doesn’t mean there isn’t altruism. It just means that it’s harder to make jokes about altruism Picture Quote #1

Other people’s deconstruction of your motivations doesn’t help you do what you do. You can’t swallow and think about swallowing at the same time Picture Quote #1

If I’m doing a talk show or an interview, or pretty much anything where I can’t control the context, I’m loath to do the character Picture Quote #1

I’m fascinated that people drawn to cults want to know what to do. And people want to know what to think. And people want to know how to feel. Not just what to feel but how to feel Picture Quote #1

We are the shadow cast by real people. And that shadow changes shape as the news cycle changes shape, so you always have fresh dirt to dig in Picture Quote #1

For me, improvisation is about working with a partner. That is much easier to do in the interview, because you have a sounding board Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

If poor people want food stamps, they should become massive corporations (Stephen Colbert Quotes) While skin and race are often synonymous, skin cleansing is good, race cleansing is bad (Stephen Colbert Quotes) If I had a dime for everytime that I was wrong, I’d be broke (Stephen Colbert Quotes) I love the truth. It’s the facts I’m not a fan of (Stephen Colbert Quotes) The pen is mightier than the sword, if you shoot that pen out of a gun (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Make no mistake - they're coming for our guns. And we freedom-loving gun lovers are totally defenseless! Other than, you know, the guns (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Nothing reassures parents more than surrounding their kids with the kind of guys who have a lot of weapons and nothing to do on weekdays (Stephen Colbert Quotes) I used to write things for friends. There was this girl I had a crush on, and she had a teacher she didn't like at school. I had a real crush on her, so almost every day I would write her a little short story where she would kill him in a different way (Stephen Colbert Quotes) No, my mom kind of led me toward acting. She wanted to be an actress when she was younger. That made me interested in it when I was a kid, because she and I are very close (Stephen Colbert Quotes) I wrote things for the school's newspaper, and - like all teenagers - I dabbled in poetry (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Love means never having to say you’re sorry. That’s why I never apologize to my mirror (Stephen Colbert Quotes) I know that the pope’s infallible, but that doesn’t mean he can’t make mistakes (Stephen Colbert Quotes) I’ve said it before: equations are the devil’s sentences. The worst one is that quadratic equation, an infernal salad of numbers, letters, and symbols (Stephen Colbert Quotes) If you imitate someone, you owe them a royalty check. If you emulate them, you don’t. There’s a big difference. Check your lawyer (Stephen Colbert Quotes) I hadn’t intended to end up there. I meant to be a serious actor with a beard who wore a lot of black and wanted to share his misery with you (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Global warming isn’t real because I was cold today! Also great news: world hunger is over because I just ate (Stephen Colbert Quotes) We don’t have to look for what the next thing will be. If experience is any judge, it’ll come flowing toward us like a river (Stephen Colbert Quotes) I’m just very interested in what my guests have to say. You have to be vigilant to stay ignorant (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Some people perceive me as an assassin or at least someone who can slip under your guard with a knife. But if you watch what I do, that’s almost never the case. I’m just trying to keep the balloon in the air. It rarely turns into anything combative (Stephen Colbert Quotes) I have a generally liberal audience, but they will applaud when I nail a liberal lion (Stephen Colbert Quotes) I suppose fear is like a drug. A little bit isn’t that bad, but you can get addicted to the consumption and distribution of it (Stephen Colbert Quotes) If you’re injecting fear into other people, then you’re trying to kill their minds. You’re trying to get them to stop thinking (Stephen Colbert Quotes) I have no interest in behaving or thinking cynically. But it’s an easy trap to be cynical about anything, certainly when you’re talking about politics or the media (Stephen Colbert Quotes) I believe that people, more often than not, act with the best possible intentions. And when they don’t, that’s funny to me. That’s why comedy ends up seeming cynical, because you’re talking about the gap between what people say and what they do (Stephen Colbert Quotes) You seem cynical because you’re always talking about that selfish behavior that’s dressed up as altruism. It doesn’t mean there isn’t altruism. It just means that it’s harder to make jokes about altruism (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Other people’s deconstruction of your motivations doesn’t help you do what you do. You can’t swallow and think about swallowing at the same time (Stephen Colbert Quotes) If I’m doing a talk show or an interview, or pretty much anything where I can’t control the context, I’m loath to do the character (Stephen Colbert Quotes) I’m fascinated that people drawn to cults want to know what to do. And people want to know what to think. And people want to know how to feel. Not just what to feel but how to feel (Stephen Colbert Quotes) We are the shadow cast by real people. And that shadow changes shape as the news cycle changes shape, so you always have fresh dirt to dig in (Stephen Colbert Quotes) For me, improvisation is about working with a partner. That is much easier to do in the interview, because you have a sounding board (Stephen Colbert Quotes)

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