|

|

Advertisements

Stephen Colbert Quotes

Once I’m performing the show, I think that hour show has a certain intimacy with our audience. And that intimacy is through the lens and the live audience is a witness to that, whereas the audience at home is actually the object of my efforts Picture Quote #1

You can’t swallow and think about your tongue. If you think about your tongue, you’ve got a giant piece of meat in your mouth and that’s a terrible feeling Picture Quote #1

There’s an old saying about those who forget history. I don’t remember it, but it’s good Picture Quote #1

I don’t want someone shoving his views down my throat, unless they’re covered in a crunchy candy shell Picture Quote #1

There’s nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to hell Picture Quote #1

Hey yogurt, if you’re so cultured, how come I never see you at the opera? Picture Quote #1

Advertisements

Don’t cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it’ll be free yogurt Picture Quote #1

If you love friends, you will serve your friends. If you love community, you will serve your community. If you love money, you will serve your money. And if you love only yourself, you will serve only yourself. And you will have only yourself Picture Quote #1

I’m a satirist, so I’ve got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I’m not an assassin Picture Quote #1

The only thing that gets me high is the musky scent of my enemy’s fear Picture Quote #1

Here’s an easy way to figure out if you’re in a cult: If you’re wondering whether you’re in a cult, the answer is yes Picture Quote #1

The summer movies are coming out. My advice: just stay home and burn a good book Picture Quote #1

Advertisements

They say the only people who tell the truth are drunkards and children. Guess which one I am Picture Quote #1

I may not agree with what you have to say but I will fight you to the death for the right to fight you to the death Picture Quote #1

So if animals aren’t our friends, then what are they? The answer can be summed up between two buns Picture Quote #1

The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach... just make sure you thrust upward through his ribcage Picture Quote #1

Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly cynics Picture Quote #1

Wikipedia is the first place I go when I’m looking for knowledge... or when I want to create some Picture Quote #1

Advertisements

You said in your book that at the end of the day, every politician is human. What about during the day? Picture Quote #1

It’s like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is Picture Quote #1

When meeting royalty, it is very important, no matter how excited you are, not to vomit on them. Instead, vomit on the nearest commoner Picture Quote #1

It’s the way our founding fathers would have wanted it, if they had founded corporations instead of just a country Picture Quote #1

There’s nothing wrong with stretching the truth. We stretch taffy, and that just makes it more delicious Picture Quote #1

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he’s never on welfare in a mysterious way Picture Quote #1

Advertisements

New study reveals men like to cuddle. Another study reveals men will say anything to get into bed with a woman Picture Quote #1

Sorry, but retirement offends me. You don’t just stop fighting in the middle of a war because your legs hurt. So why do you get to stop working in the middle of your life just because your prostate hurts? That’s desertion Picture Quote #1

Never throw caution to the wind. It could whip back into your eyes and blind you Picture Quote #1

... why were you happier when you were a kid? Because you didn’t know anything. The more you know, the sadder you get Picture Quote #1

Now, for my younger viewers out there, a book is something we used to have before the internet. It’s sort of a blog for people with attention spans Picture Quote #1

Contraception leads to more babies being born out of wedlock, like fire extinguishers lead to more fires Picture Quote #1

1 - 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

Advertisements

Text Quotes

Once I’m performing the show, I think that hour show has a certain intimacy with our audience. And that intimacy is through the lens and the live audience is a witness to that, whereas the audience at home is actually the object of my efforts (Stephen Colbert Quotes) You can’t swallow and think about your tongue. If you think about your tongue, you’ve got a giant piece of meat in your mouth and that’s a terrible feeling (Stephen Colbert Quotes) There’s an old saying about those who forget history. I don’t remember it, but it’s good (Stephen Colbert Quotes) I don’t want someone shoving his views down my throat, unless they’re covered in a crunchy candy shell (Stephen Colbert Quotes) There’s nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to hell (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Hey yogurt, if you’re so cultured, how come I never see you at the opera? (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Don’t cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it’ll be free yogurt (Stephen Colbert Quotes) If you love friends, you will serve your friends. If you love community, you will serve your community. If you love money, you will serve your money. And if you love only yourself, you will serve only yourself. And you will have only yourself (Stephen Colbert Quotes) I’m a satirist, so I’ve got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I’m not an assassin (Stephen Colbert Quotes) The only thing that gets me high is the musky scent of my enemy’s fear (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Here’s an easy way to figure out if you’re in a cult: If you’re wondering whether you’re in a cult, the answer is yes (Stephen Colbert Quotes) The summer movies are coming out. My advice: just stay home and burn a good book (Stephen Colbert Quotes) They say the only people who tell the truth are drunkards and children. Guess which one I am (Stephen Colbert Quotes) I may not agree with what you have to say but I will fight you to the death for the right to fight you to the death (Stephen Colbert Quotes) So if animals aren’t our friends, then what are they? The answer can be summed up between two buns (Stephen Colbert Quotes) The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach... just make sure you thrust upward through his ribcage (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly cynics (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Wikipedia is the first place I go when I’m looking for knowledge... or when I want to create some (Stephen Colbert Quotes) You said in your book that at the end of the day, every politician is human. What about during the day? (Stephen Colbert Quotes) It’s like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is (Stephen Colbert Quotes) When meeting royalty, it is very important, no matter how excited you are, not to vomit on them. Instead, vomit on the nearest commoner (Stephen Colbert Quotes) It’s the way our founding fathers would have wanted it, if they had founded corporations instead of just a country (Stephen Colbert Quotes) There’s nothing wrong with stretching the truth. We stretch taffy, and that just makes it more delicious (Stephen Colbert Quotes) God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he’s never on welfare in a mysterious way (Stephen Colbert Quotes) New study reveals men like to cuddle. Another study reveals men will say anything to get into bed with a woman (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Sorry, but retirement offends me. You don’t just stop fighting in the middle of a war because your legs hurt. So why do you get to stop working in the middle of your life just because your prostate hurts? That’s desertion (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Never throw caution to the wind. It could whip back into your eyes and blind you (Stephen Colbert Quotes) ... why were you happier when you were a kid? Because you didn’t know anything. The more you know, the sadder you get (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Now, for my younger viewers out there, a book is something we used to have before the internet. It’s sort of a blog for people with attention spans (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Contraception leads to more babies being born out of wedlock, like fire extinguishers lead to more fires (Stephen Colbert Quotes)

1 - 4 5 6 7 8 9 10