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Stephen Colbert Quotes

Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what’s going to happen next and you are mostly just making things up as you go along Picture Quote #1

I’m not a fan of facts. You see, the facts can change, but my opinion will never change, no matter what the facts are Picture Quote #1

If women are breadwinners and men bring home the bacon, why do people complain about having no dough? I’m confused. Also hungry Picture Quote #1

I love the earth. If you ask me it’s the greatest planet in the world Picture Quote #1

No matter how you were born, no matter how you identify, I want to be clear that I would be proud to grind you up and eat you Picture Quote #1

I won’t be doing the new show in character, so we’ll all get to find out how much of him was me. I’m looking forward to it Picture Quote #1

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You have to have a passionate opinion; otherwise you sound false. You end up telling the audience jokes they’ve already heard Picture Quote #1

I’ve always been a big fan of beauty. Sure, you can’t judge a book by its cover but who wants to have sex with a book? Picture Quote #1

Truthiness is what you want the facts to be as opposed to what the facts are. What feels like the right answer as opposed to what reality will support Picture Quote #1

You may learn sooner than most generations the hard lesson that you must always make the path for yourself... There is no secret society out there that will tap you on your shoulder one night and show you the way Picture Quote #1

And we didn’t have cell phones. If you made plans to meet someone in a snow storm, and they didn’t show up, you just had to assume they were devoured by wolves and go on with your life Picture Quote #1

Corporations have free speech, but they can’t speak like you and me. They don’t have mouths or hands Picture Quote #1

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If a poor family falls on hard times in the woods, and no one is around to care, did it really happen? Picture Quote #1

Destroying a religious symbol and building a religious center are really the same thing if you don’t think about it Picture Quote #1

Give a man a suicide bomb, he blows up once. Teach a man to suicide bomb, he also blows up once Picture Quote #1

Don’t be bitter. Everybody suffers. If you can accept your suffering then you will understand other people better. Be grateful for pain. Love life Picture Quote #1

There’s a wonderfully cooperative relationship between management and labor right now. Much like the historic partnership between oranges and a juicer Picture Quote #1

I’ll make fun of anybody. We’re all about falling down and going boom on camera Picture Quote #1

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Cynics always say no. Saying yes leads to knowledge. So for as long as you have the strength to, say yes Picture Quote #1

If you repeat it, it’s true. If you repeat it, it’s true. And through repetition, something becomes true. If you repeat it enough. Until it becomes true. Or do I need to repeat that for you? Picture Quote #1

Used books are the sluts of the literary world. Passed around from person to person, spreading their pages for anyone, getting cheaper and cheaper until eventually they end up in prison Picture Quote #1

Who would have thought that a means of communication limited to 140 characters would ever create misunderstandin g Picture Quote #1

When I read books it’s to escape. It’s so I don’t have to talk to people Picture Quote #1

Am I proud of being straight? No. You know why? Because if I start acting proud, that’s going to make me seem kind of gay Picture Quote #1

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Facebook stock continues to plummet. People started selling once they found out their mom bought it too Picture Quote #1

Arbitrary rules teach kids discipline: If every rule made sense, they wouldn’t be learning respect for authority, they’d be learning logic Picture Quote #1

I’ve long been against illegal aliens, partly because they distract us from an even bigger threat: real aliens Picture Quote #1

If we raise taxes on corporations, what incentive will they have to make money other than the fact that it’s the sole reason they exist Picture Quote #1

Hey, single malt scotch, you’re thirty years old. When are you going to settle down and get married to my stomach? Picture Quote #1

If you’re doing nothing wrong, you have nothing to hide from the giant surveillance apparatus the government’s been hiding Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

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Text Quotes

Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what’s going to happen next and you are mostly just making things up as you go along (Stephen Colbert Quotes) I’m not a fan of facts. You see, the facts can change, but my opinion will never change, no matter what the facts are (Stephen Colbert Quotes) If women are breadwinners and men bring home the bacon, why do people complain about having no dough? I’m confused. Also hungry (Stephen Colbert Quotes) I love the earth. If you ask me it’s the greatest planet in the world (Stephen Colbert Quotes) No matter how you were born, no matter how you identify, I want to be clear that I would be proud to grind you up and eat you (Stephen Colbert Quotes) I won’t be doing the new show in character, so we’ll all get to find out how much of him was me. I’m looking forward to it (Stephen Colbert Quotes) You have to have a passionate opinion; otherwise you sound false. You end up telling the audience jokes they’ve already heard (Stephen Colbert Quotes) I’ve always been a big fan of beauty. Sure, you can’t judge a book by its cover but who wants to have sex with a book? (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Truthiness is what you want the facts to be as opposed to what the facts are. What feels like the right answer as opposed to what reality will support (Stephen Colbert Quotes) You may learn sooner than most generations the hard lesson that you must always make the path for yourself... There is no secret society out there that will tap you on your shoulder one night and show you the way (Stephen Colbert Quotes) And we didn’t have cell phones. If you made plans to meet someone in a snow storm, and they didn’t show up, you just had to assume they were devoured by wolves and go on with your life (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Corporations have free speech, but they can’t speak like you and me. They don’t have mouths or hands (Stephen Colbert Quotes) If a poor family falls on hard times in the woods, and no one is around to care, did it really happen? (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Destroying a religious symbol and building a religious center are really the same thing if you don’t think about it (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Give a man a suicide bomb, he blows up once. Teach a man to suicide bomb, he also blows up once (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Don’t be bitter. Everybody suffers. If you can accept your suffering then you will understand other people better. Be grateful for pain. Love life (Stephen Colbert Quotes) There’s a wonderfully cooperative relationship between management and labor right now. Much like the historic partnership between oranges and a juicer (Stephen Colbert Quotes) I’ll make fun of anybody. We’re all about falling down and going boom on camera (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Cynics always say no. Saying yes leads to knowledge. So for as long as you have the strength to, say yes (Stephen Colbert Quotes) If you repeat it, it’s true. If you repeat it, it’s true. And through repetition, something becomes true. If you repeat it enough. Until it becomes true. Or do I need to repeat that for you? (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Used books are the sluts of the literary world. Passed around from person to person, spreading their pages for anyone, getting cheaper and cheaper until eventually they end up in prison (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Who would have thought that a means of communication limited to 140 characters would ever create misunderstandin g (Stephen Colbert Quotes) When I read books it’s to escape. It’s so I don’t have to talk to people (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Am I proud of being straight? No. You know why? Because if I start acting proud, that’s going to make me seem kind of gay (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Facebook stock continues to plummet. People started selling once they found out their mom bought it too (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Arbitrary rules teach kids discipline: If every rule made sense, they wouldn’t be learning respect for authority, they’d be learning logic (Stephen Colbert Quotes) I’ve long been against illegal aliens, partly because they distract us from an even bigger threat: real aliens (Stephen Colbert Quotes) If we raise taxes on corporations, what incentive will they have to make money other than the fact that it’s the sole reason they exist (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Hey, single malt scotch, you’re thirty years old. When are you going to settle down and get married to my stomach? (Stephen Colbert Quotes) If you’re doing nothing wrong, you have nothing to hide from the giant surveillance apparatus the government’s been hiding (Stephen Colbert Quotes)

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