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Steven Wright Quotes

I’m not afraid of heights, just widths Picture Quote #1

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer? Picture Quote #1

So, do you live around here often? Picture Quote #1

The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it Picture Quote #1

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts Picture Quote #1

If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work Picture Quote #1

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Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer Picture Quote #1

I named my dog Stay, so I can say, ‘Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay! Picture Quote #1

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter Picture Quote #1

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread Picture Quote #1

If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work? Picture Quote #1

I went to a general store. They wouldn’t let me buy anything specifically Picture Quote #1

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I think God’s going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding Picture Quote #1

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering Picture Quote #1

I intend to live forever. So far, so good Picture Quote #1

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything Picture Quote #1

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country Picture Quote #1

What's another word for Thesaurus? Picture Quote #1

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How young can you die of old age? Picture Quote #1

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths Picture Quote #1

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included Picture Quote #1

I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone Picture Quote #1

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time Picture Quote #1

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding Picture Quote #1

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I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done Picture Quote #1

If God dropped acid, would he see people? Picture Quote #1

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time Picture Quote #1

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research Picture Quote #1

If you can’t hear me, it’s because I’m in parentheses Picture Quote #1

It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t want to have to paint it Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

I’m not afraid of heights, just widths (Steven Wright Quotes) If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer? (Steven Wright Quotes) So, do you live around here often? (Steven Wright Quotes) The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it (Steven Wright Quotes) Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts (Steven Wright Quotes) If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work (Steven Wright Quotes) Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer (Steven Wright Quotes) I named my dog Stay, so I can say, ‘Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay! (Steven Wright Quotes) I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter (Steven Wright Quotes) The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread (Steven Wright Quotes) If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work? (Steven Wright Quotes) I went to a general store. They wouldn’t let me buy anything specifically. (Steven Wright Quotes) I think God’s going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding (Steven Wright Quotes) I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering (Steven Wright Quotes) I intend to live forever. So far, so good (Steven Wright Quotes) I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything (Steven Wright Quotes) Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country (Steven Wright Quotes) What's another word for Thesaurus? (Steven Wright Quotes) How young can you die of old age? (Steven Wright Quotes) A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths (Steven Wright Quotes) I bought some batteries, but they weren't included (Steven Wright Quotes) I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone (Steven Wright Quotes) I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time (Steven Wright Quotes) I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding (Steven Wright Quotes) I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done (Steven Wright Quotes) If God dropped acid, would he see people? (Steven Wright Quotes) Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time (Steven Wright Quotes) To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research (Steven Wright Quotes) If you can’t hear me, it’s because I’m in parentheses (Steven Wright Quotes) It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t want to have to paint it (Steven Wright Quotes)

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