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Steven Wright Quotes

I haven’t changed at all. I’m the same as when I was 11 Picture Quote #1

Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears Picture Quote #1

I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing Picture Quote #1

I don’t have to walk my dog anymore. I walked him all at once Picture Quote #1

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? Picture Quote #1

When I first read the dictionary, I thought it was a long poem about everything Picture Quote #1

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I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out Picture Quote #1

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out Picture Quote #1

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five Picture Quote #1

Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don’t get it Picture Quote #1

I bought some instant water one time but I didn’t know what to add to it Picture Quote #1

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out Picture Quote #1

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I have the world’s largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you’ve seen it Picture Quote #1

I went to a general store but they wouldn’t let me buy anything specific Picture Quote #1

If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny Picture Quote #1

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it Picture Quote #1

I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I’m an idiot Picture Quote #1

I have all the emotions that everyone has; it just appears that I don’t Picture Quote #1

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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself Picture Quote #1

I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone Picture Quote #1

I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad Picture Quote #1

I want to get a tattoo of myself on my entire body, only two inches taller Picture Quote #1

I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

I haven’t changed at all. I’m the same as when I was 11 (Steven Wright Quotes) Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears (Steven Wright Quotes) I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing (Steven Wright Quotes) I don’t have to walk my dog anymore. I walked him all at once (Steven Wright Quotes) If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? (Steven Wright Quotes) When I first read the dictionary, I thought it was a long poem about everything (Steven Wright Quotes) I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out (Steven Wright Quotes) I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out (Steven Wright Quotes) I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five (Steven Wright Quotes) Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don’t get it (Steven Wright Quotes) I bought some instant water one time but I didn’t know what to add to it (Steven Wright Quotes) I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out (Steven Wright Quotes) I have the world’s largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you’ve seen it (Steven Wright Quotes) I went to a general store but they wouldn’t let me buy anything specific (Steven Wright Quotes) If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny (Steven Wright Quotes) I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it (Steven Wright Quotes) I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I’m an idiot (Steven Wright Quotes) I have all the emotions that everyone has; it just appears that I don’t (Steven Wright Quotes) It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself (Steven Wright Quotes) I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone (Steven Wright Quotes) I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad (Steven Wright Quotes) I want to get a tattoo of myself on my entire body, only two inches taller (Steven Wright Quotes) I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes (Steven Wright Quotes)

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