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W C Fields Quotes
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Friendship Quotes
Love Quotes
Life Quotes
Funny Quotes
Motivational Quotes
Inspirational Quotes
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Text Quotes
I have a poor memory for names; but I seldom remember a face (W C Fields Quotes)
Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself (W C Fields Quotes)
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other (W C Fields Quotes)
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure (W C Fields Quotes)
Where there is a will, there’s prosperity around the corner (W C Fields Quotes)
Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually (W C Fields Quotes)
It is impossible to find twelve fair men in all the world (W C Fields Quotes)
I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes? (W C Fields Quotes)
I can do anything I want to do! (W C Fields Quotes)
The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it (W C Fields Quotes)
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for (W C Fields Quotes)
Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol (W C Fields Quotes)
Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her (W C Fields Quotes)
California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death (W C Fields Quotes)
I like my films to influence the audience. Even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home (W C Fields Quotes)
There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it (W C Fields Quotes)
If I ever found a church that didn’t believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it (W C Fields Quotes)
I note the derogatory rumors concerning the use of alcoholic stimulants and lavish living. It is the penalty of greatness (W C Fields Quotes)
No man is the boss of his own house, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead (W C Fields Quotes)
Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee (W C Fields Quotes)
So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing, I will make mine whiskey (W C Fields Quotes)
I don’t object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him! (W C Fields Quotes)
It was a marriage of convenience, as my father had a blister on his big toe and couldn’t travel far to find a girl (W C Fields Quotes)
The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split (W C Fields Quotes)
I’ve been barbecued, stewed, screwed, tattooed, and fried by people claiming to be my friends. The human race has gone backward, not forward, since the days we were apes swinging through the trees (W C Fields Quotes)
Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water (W C Fields Quotes)
Show me a great actor and I’ll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you’ve seen the devil (W C Fields Quotes)
Women are like elephants. I like to look at ‘em, but I wouldn’t want to own one (W C Fields Quotes)
Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer (W C Fields Quotes)
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven (W C Fields Quotes)