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W C Fields Quotes
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Friendship Quotes
Love Quotes
Life Quotes
Funny Quotes
Motivational Quotes
Inspirational Quotes
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Text Quotes
The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his buttons (W C Fields Quotes)
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies (W C Fields Quotes)
Women are like elephants to me; they're nice to look at but I wouldn't want to own one (W C Fields Quotes)
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler (W C Fields Quotes)
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison (W C Fields Quotes)
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive (W C Fields Quotes)
Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times (W C Fields Quotes)
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it (W C Fields Quotes)
The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive (W C Fields Quotes)
There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it (W C Fields Quotes)
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money (W C Fields Quotes)
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it (W C Fields Quotes)
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty (W C Fields Quotes)
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast (W C Fields Quotes)
The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother (W C Fields Quotes)
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water (W C Fields Quotes)
I don’t know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything (W C Fields Quotes)
Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I’d lost it (W C Fields Quotes)
I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either (W C Fields Quotes)
I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol (W C Fields Quotes)
I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months (W C Fields Quotes)
It’s quite true I’m not drinking anymore; however, I’m not drinking any less either (W C Fields Quotes)
I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night (W C Fields Quotes)
I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get (W C Fields Quotes)
I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it’s around the woman’s neck (W C Fields Quotes)
It’s what you do that counts and not what you say; therefore I fired my press agent (W C Fields Quotes)
I didn’t say the meat was tough. I said I didn’t see the horse that is usually outside (W C Fields Quotes)
How is the human race going to survive now that the cost of living has gone up two dollars a quart? (W C Fields Quotes)
Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill (W C Fields Quotes)
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it (W C Fields Quotes)