Which was better: being alive (if that was the right word) but not remembering anything, or being dead?

Which was better: being alive (if that was the right word) but not remembering anything, or being dead?

In Laurie Halse Anderson's novel "Wintergirls," the protagonist, Lia, struggles with the aftermath of her best friend's death and her own battle with an eating disorder. Throughout the novel, Lia grapples with the idea of life and death, questioning which is better: being alive but not truly living, or being dead and free from the pain and suffering of the world.

For Lia, being alive but not remembering anything could be seen as a form of purgatory. She is physically present in the world, but emotionally and mentally disconnected from it. This state of existence is a constant reminder of the trauma and loss she has experienced, yet she is unable to fully process or understand it. In a way, it is a form of living death, as Lia is trapped in a cycle of self-destructive behaviors and thoughts that prevent her from truly living.

On the other hand, being dead represents an escape from the pain and suffering of life. Death offers a release from the burdens and struggles that Lia faces on a daily basis. It is a finality, a way to end the constant battle with her inner demons and find peace in the afterlife. However, death also means leaving behind loved ones and the potential for healing and growth. It is a permanent solution to temporary problems, and one that Lia must weigh carefully.

Ultimately, the question of which is better, being alive but not remembering anything or being dead, is a complex and deeply personal one. For Lia, the answer may change depending on her state of mind and the challenges she faces. In the end, it is up to her to find a way to reconcile her past, present, and future in order to truly live and find peace within herself.